Ok, my song is inspired by this image
Its called Lunch Hour, I cannot make out who by.
Anyway, this is quite short, and rather loose.
Not sure of the title either, perhaps we should do a subject of how to select the right name for a song, I always stumble on that...
My ragged hands betray my years
And I close my eyes to hide my fears
That this life will bring me no peace
No prison cell, still I feel no release
And the masters whip shows no mercy
Though from dask till dawn, hungry and thirsty
I work my fingers to there bones
Upon a land, I cannot call my own.
I find myself too tired to eat
When my lunch break comes I'm to beat
I'll kick of these steel clad weary feet
Shut my eyes and get me some sleep.
I'm a man of years just 23
My spirits older than I wish 2 B
Lifting heavy responsibility
Oh sweet Jesus gimmee liberty
Im even too tired for prayer this day
Wish you would just carry me away
They say thoose who suffer find your grace
When I open my eyes, let me see your face.
I find myself too tired of trying.
Of lifting my hopes, whilst my brothers are dying
I'll kick of these shackles and raise up my hand
Lord lead me to that promised land.
Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time
Absolutely magnificent.
At first read I can't find anything that did not sit right.
I think you did great on this assignment. A+
Blessings. Olav
It gets my vote too - Brilliant!
Why not just Lunch Hour as the title for the song as well?
G
Listen Louder Than You Play
agree with gjbrake, "lunch hour" is perfect for the title....
very minor criticism...tidy up your spelling....
i.e. I work my fingers to there bones .....would read better as I work my fingers to the bone.....but "there" in this case would be their....
When my lunch break comes I'm to beat....TOO beat....you got it right in the line about "too tired for prayer".....
Apart from those (very minor!!!) quibbles, great stuff, Spadge....I'm impressed....
Vic
:D :D :D
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey spadge,
very nice song here. i liked it very much. as far as a title "lunch hour" would work, or you could use something like "too tired"
there isn't anything other than what vic mentioned that i would change. great job telling the story here.
-CheapThrill
Hi'a
Agreed an excellent set of lyrics, I like the way you focused on the hands !!! well done.
go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Hi Spadge
Great piece of writing tells the story of that picture really well. Very evocative.
Great stuff
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
