First song I've written in months but mentioning 'Tangled up in Blue' got me itching to write. So I wrote a lullaby for my daughter
Hush little baby don't you moan
These old walls are made of stone
Our little fire is burning bright
It'll keep us warm through the whole black night
Blue blown wind
Won't you go on home
You've rattled our doors
This evening long
There's a little girl here
Trying to get some sleep
And you've beeen scaring off
All her sheep
So blow and blow and blow blue BLOOOW
Haven't you got a better place to go.
Hush little baby don't you cry
This sleepy songs gonna let you fly
Your bed will give you wings
Close your eyes and dream of pretty things
Blue blown wind
Won't you go on home
I can hardly hear
When you sing along
You've chased our dog
Right under the stairs
And this little girl's
Trying to say her prayers
So blow and blow and blow blue BLOOOW
Haven't you got a better place to go.
Hope you like it
In fact I hope my little girl likes it
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
How could your daughter NOT like it? Great job, I loved it.
My only thought has to do with the line "This evening long." First time I read it I subconsciencely add "far too"
Blue blown wind
Won't you go on home
You've rattled our doors
This evening far too long
Anyways, great job. I look forward to reading/hearing more of your stuff.
Keep the faith.
Or you could replace "this" with "all" to preserve the syllable count:
You've rattled our doors
All evening long
Very nice job, Beren. I would imagine your daughter will love it.
Looking forward to more of your material in the (very near) future.
Peace
You're right, 'All evening long' sounds alot better.
Thanks for the advice.
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
