Just words, no chords or even melody. Someone suggested I try the SSG out after posting on the other song writing forum and saw this week's entry so here goes.
Enjoy.
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One Last Chance
She limps down the staircase
Carrying a bag of spaghetti
Making plans in her mind
But stops herself, "he won't let me"
Hushed under her breathe
are those sad, silly words
Controlled by someone else
Living for him and not her
All she ever wanted
Was to sing and dance
Her clock is ticking
She's got one last chance
One last chance to change
The past is the past
Mistakes have been made
Not concerned with tomorrow
Can't remember yesterday
Does she just get up and leave
Or tell him with words that won't say
Exactly what is happening
Neither one of them is sure
Is her love an affliction
Is there even a cure?
This charade has lasted
Too long now, take a stance
Live your life, sweet thing
You've got one last chance
Folding up her t-shirts
Packing all the bags
He's still at work
And she's getting sad
Is this right
How can it be wrong?
She's waited for this day
For far too long
Maybe he can change
If she explains herself
He treats her like an old toy
Just sitting on the shelf
"If only he knew
what exactly he had
Guess I gotta pack up
And hit the road, yeah!"
Her goosebumps are covered
by her soft, tan skin
Her life's been a game
finally starting to win
No more lies and cheating
No more cries and rants
where would she be
Without her one last chance?
- mdr
"And under the spreading chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me" - orwell
Personaly i thought it was great, i dont no what style you personaly would sing that like by i thought slow and meaningfull, but thats up to you, i also liked the way it flowed it was like a story,im glad you didnt try and rhyme each end of the sentence and only did a few,some people will say its long and complex blah blah blah but so what u can still play along to it, my one bigest sugestion would be to put a chorus in between ur big verse's thats what i would do and try to seperate up a begining and end even if its just a big space between the verses it makes it easier to read for us idiots out there! anyway great work and it would be great to actually put a song together with u
edd
:D
Or tell him with words that won't say
Exactly what is happening
This is really the only thing that stuck out to me. It's a nice choice of words, but it doesn't seem to quite fit with the timing (although that's the timing in my head, so I may be way off here). After going through it a few different ways I got it to fit, but it felt a little forced.
A chorus would really seperate the verses a bit, and bring about a little change of pace.
All in all, a cool song about saying "Screw 'em"
Our songs also have the standard pop format: Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, solo, bad solo. All in all, I think we sound like The Knack and the Bay City Rollers being molested by Black Flag and Black Sabbath.
Kurt Cobain
All in all, a cool song about saying "Screw 'em"
Innarestin' little tidbit you said there. Just the other day someone said something about my writings and how I should explain them or preface them with some sort of backstory. This is exactly why I don't. It means different things to different people.
You're certainly not wrong in thinking the song says that. Whatever it means to you is what it is.
- mdr
"And under the spreading chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me" - orwell
You're certainly not wrong in thinking the song says that. Whatever it means to you is what it is.
Well (and I could be way off), the way I saw it is that she had to go live her own life. She felt bad, but eventually she just had to say screw it or she'd never be happy. However, there are songs I've listened to for years that I have no idea what they mean. I live in my own little world most days :)
Songs will look different to people depending on their perspective at the time. I'm actually fairly certain that at a different time in my life that I would have thought something completely different.
It does make me wonder though, what were you thinking when you wrote it?
Our songs also have the standard pop format: Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, solo, bad solo. All in all, I think we sound like The Knack and the Bay City Rollers being molested by Black Flag and Black Sabbath.
Kurt Cobain
