I've tried a lot... But could come up with this only. I've got to stop trying as I should invest more time in school :?
I wanted to avoid the train, but yeah, you always end up doing what you don't want to do... Bring on the comments ^^ Other titles also appreciated :D
I've put some recording of it on soundclick, just ignore the flute thing in the middle (made me laugh so I decided to let it stay;))
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=380008
The process
At 7 am you cry
Peer into the world
A strange place this is
To be born in a train
After some years
You get your own will
Become a little person
Ready for the next stage
All your life is one big journey
From your first cry
Until the very last
Faint whisper
As you spread your wings
To fly like a bird
You get strange looks only
From people passing by
At once you know
You were quite lucky
With the home you had
The ride's got another direction
All your life is one big journey
From your first cry
Until the very last
Faint whisper
Age comes with the time
So does understanding
You have left the wild sea
For a calmer lake
At last you realise
The journey is over
Your train has reached
Its final destination
Hey Karla,
This is a good take on the assignment; I definitely got the rhythm of the train reading it. My only observation is that you've set up a nice image here about life being a train ride, and in my mind I was with you all the way, but this stanza
As you spread your wings
To fly like a bird
You get strange looks only
From people passing by
For me, breaks that image, only momentarily mind you. I just feel the train metaphor works so well that you don't need the bird metaphor as well. The same for the Lake , Sea reference, I think if they were more train or railway or even transportation oriented, then for me that would be better.
Other than that, this is good, well done :D .
Cheers
pbee
Yeah, Karla, I sorta stumbled over the same lines. I really liked the train thing, and could feel the rhythm immediately, but the sea and bird lines confused me. Otherwise, very nice.
Joe
Good stuff, Karla, but I'll have to go with Joe and Pbee. There's a lot of good railway imagery you could use: whistles, bridges, endless miles of tracks, stations, train robberies...; there are different types of trains: steam, electric, luxury, freight...; and there are different kinds of cars on different kinds of trains: kaboos, caffeteria, sleeper, flat bed, tanker...; and trains do important things, like building nations. My point is that you've got a lot of room to work with to make a great train/life anology song.
As has already been said, great take on the assignment.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Okay guys I can understand what you're saying. As SP says, lots of other train related imaginery. I'll get rid of the sea and the birds ^^ They're in there because initially I didn't want to write about trains at all, but include some other way of transport in every verse.. That idea changed, but I left those two verses as they were. Guess it's a bit confusing indeed.
I removed the thing from soundclick as well, I listened to it again a min ago to discover I didn't even tune my guitar properly...
