Okay...this was actually supposed to be a early post to make up a little for my lack of activities in here and around the boards, and I actually wrote this on SUNDAY, but haven't had the time till today. So anyway...here it is:
One More Time
[Verse 1]
Hey, you, do you remember,
The, day, you found me wonder,
And, I, believed you,
Without a question or so…
You seemed so innocent,
With the fine, used, guitar and,
The smile pasted on your face
And the spark of love that blinded me
Never again
[Chorus]
Ooooh,
Fool me once,
It's your lies,
Fool me twice,
I can't decide,
Try again,
And you will find,
Never again,
One more time.
[Verse 2]
I accepted you,
Into my life,
Without a doubt,
And with no lies,
Your face stayed in my way,
And I, didn't, want you…
To be away!
[Bridge]
No no no no no,
Because now I understand,
Because now I can get,
Why was it that you ruined my life,
Because now I realize,
Because now I see it,
Why was it that you left me, with the lies.
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
And now you're begging on your knees,
For me to take you back,
After all the things you've done,
You still dare to look at me,
I could only see in my mind,
Why I ever fell for you,
I could only imagine,
Why I ever believed you…
Never again!
I like a lot about this. Some lines just stand right out, like:
"...With the fine, used, guitar and..."
and
"...Your face stayed in my way..."
Right now the bridge could be a little stronger. Lyrically it kind of pales to the verses. You might not even need it because it simply spells out things you've made more than clear in the verses.
What type of music do you hear with this?
Peace
Hi Laura
This may seem a bit cruel but lose the bridge. I don't think it adds anything to the song and, to me, it gets in the way.
The rest of it I really like. I think the chorus is excellent but the last two lines could use a revisit. I like what you're trying to put across just those two lines don't really work for me.
My opinion please don't shoot ;)
'You still dare to look at me' - I can almost hear the outright indignation - great line.
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
Okay, the bridge is going, going...gone. Thanks to the great feedback from David and Bob ;).
I'm not really sure what kind of music for this yet, I'm hearing no noise though :D.
Laura
