first song i've written let alone posted in a while, but here goes:
Kiss the Crucifix
Welcome to this house of façade
Supposedly it's owned by God
But I'm the one who lives in it
I know where each guest really sits
Because I can see in their hearts
The attention seeking housewife
Who likes to be seen as just right
She fancies herself a singer
So she bleats with a voice from Hell
That would turn off the death angel
Oh yes she'll kiss the crucifix
But she'll turn round to get her kicks
From the pretence of righteousness
The old man dieing of cancer
Who comes here to fe-el better
Ever since the death of his wife
To give a purpose to his life
And for a happy one after
Oh yes he'll kiss the crucifix
But he'll turn round to get his kicks
From the pretence of righteousness
Bridge:
They live their fantasies
In order to appease
Their inadequacies
But I'll not kiss the crucifix
I did not come here to get kicks
From the pretence of righteousness
The walls are warm and the roof dry
Shelter is what I came to find
But lucky me, there's free coffee
Just a shame I can't have a smoke
Though I'm sure God's meant to light up
But I'll not kiss the crucifix
I did not come here to get kicks
From the pretence of righteousness
Oh yes they'll kiss the crucifix
But they'll turn round to get their kicks
From the pretence of righteousness
the rhymes are a bit hap-hazard but i think i've done as much as i can with them,
however any suggestions or comments would be most appreciated
cheers
rob :)
Cool - enough bitterness to strip varnish - I like this.
"God's meant to light up" is superb.
It needs some work to tidy things up, Rob. I don't think the rhymes are critical, although it makes sense to work more in there, and maybe just a bit of polish on some lines, like:
"The old man eaten by cancer"
"Attention seeker, the housewife
likes to be seen as just right"
I'd like to hear how this comes out. Any chance of a mp3 to listen to?
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
hey rob
I'm glad I read it, it's excellent!
the title alone is enough to make me love it, I'm a fool for crucifixes, bitterness, angels and death:)
please let me take it apart.
first verse is great -only the last line seems to need some work...but maybe not...first it sounded to me as if you're claiming to be God, see in their hearts...but you're not and you do see in their hearts in a way as the song continues...so never mind.
2nd verse awesome-especially the last two lines:)
chrous good
3rd verse 's lovely once again(and I don't think you should change "old man dying of cancer")
chorus&bridge are good
next verse is the heart of the song isn't it?it's brilliant.
but I'd change the last two lines of your chorus there...
But I'll not kiss the crucifix
I did not come here to get kicks
From the pretence of righteousness
maybe to
But I won't kiss the crucifix
I'll write sixhundredsixtysix
all over the songbooks to cease the tristesse
or
But I won't kiss the crucifix
I rather write sixhundredsixtysix
all over the songbooks to end the masquerade
just my suggestion...is songbook the right word?I mean those books you get to sing along the holy songs(oh I rhymed :lol: ), are there prayers in it, too?
the end is alright.
I love your song. hope you don't mind my changes;)
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
