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SSG Y10 W26 "The cold cold rains of home"

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 br85
(@br85)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 37
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Hello all! its been a while...

in the middle of some particularly filthy irish weather at the moment so i took this weeks topic as a sign that i really should get back in the songwriting saddle. I have the following as a start anyway and any comments are welcome!

The cold cold rains of home - Ben Rowe 2012

One eye open and one hand full
Dictating his book from an old oak stool
Knocked on like the last of the dominoes
The old way of working wasn't working I suppose
So he left when he was grown
He left the cold cold rains of home

The sting of the rain drops
Rebounding off the bus stop
Thought he'd miss it like a hole in the head
But following the paper trail
Roots and future up for sale
Leant up from the bar and said

I came to seek my fortune
Headed off to the foreign lands
the wanderlust had got me
id rather have a rash than a 5 year plan
but now reflecting in pools of whiskey
ive surely changed my tone
in this baking heat and lonely misery
I miss the cold cold rains of home

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Ben,

Nice to see you posting again. Good start on this one :D

I like a lot of the lines you have:
Knocked on like the last of the dominoes
The old way of working wasn't working I suppose
He left the cold cold rains of home
The sting of the rain drops
Rebounding off the bus stop

Suggestion:
Consider reworking the transition between v2-3. "Roots and future up for sale" This might be too cryptic to count as a clear signal about how much time has passed since he left home. As it reads now, it seems like he is stopping into a bar on his way out of town, so he wouldn't even have had time to be homesick if he was just starting his journey.....maybe something like "

after 10 years in a dry spell
not a cloud in the sky
no one wishes him well

.....also right now it's not clear if the "cold" is referring to the physical neighborhood or the emotional side of his family....or it could be both....but if it is only physical, maybe sneak in there "left a loving family" sentiment.....however, if it is referring to an emotionally "cold" family, then I don't know why he misses them.....maybe it would be spelled out in the next verse.......something questioning how you can love and hate your parents at the same time.....leave them but still miss them....just suggestions :wink:

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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 br85
(@br85)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 37
Topic starter  

Hi James!

Thanks a million for the read and the comments. you're right the whole timeline of it is messy at the moment i'm going to have to nail down whether hes just left or is looking back through the years. i guess the whole sentiment i was going for was that, despite his homeland being less physically inviting than where he has ended up by chasing a living, he still misses the folks back there badly.
i might have to stick this on the to do pile but ill get to it when i get a chance.

thanks again!

ben

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."


   
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