Still a work in progress and I stumbled over the words a bit, but here it is:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11513282
KAYAKS AND CRUISE SHIPS
verse:
We enter the bay and our ship is alone.
Just two thousand people or so.
Over the diesel engine's low drone
I hear the sound of the waterfall's flow.
Then I see you out there, drifting by.
Twenty-five bright specks.
Some of you notice us waving "hi"
From the cruise ship's upper decks.
chorus:
On kayaks and cruise ships
We've come for the view,
Each in our own way.
On kayaks and cruise ships
To see something new.
And then we glide away.
verse:
In a boat that is your body's extension.
I remember the water's feel.
From a vessel of sixty thousand gross tons,
The scene doesn't seem as real.
As you paddle onward, I look back
To trips taken decades ago.
All that I needed in a backpack.
Now it's in a floating condo
chorus
verse:
My journey is almost finished now
While yours has barely started.
Will you find yourself in my place somehow
When I am long departed?
I don't know what these thoughts connote.
Maybe my mind unravels.
I manage still to stay afloat
And continue with my travels.
chorus
Renee
Her Renee,
Nice job on the lyrics and mp3 :D I really like the instrumental guitar arpeggios before each verse. It sounds like a Coldplay riff that they would probably develop for half the song.
I like the metaphors as well for Kayaks and Cruise Ships.
Suggestion:
Consider revising this line b/c is it's not accurate
We enter the bay and our ship is alone. .....compared to.....Then I see you out there, drifting by......so the cruise ship is not alone
Maybe something like......We enter the bay; our ship MILES FROM HOME
OR
We enter the bay and our ship FEELS alone.
Just two thousand people or so.
Over the diesel engine's low drone
I hear the sound of the waterfall's flow.
BUT Then I see you out there, drifting by.
Thanks for sharing.
James
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, James. I'm definitely not influenced by Coldplay, unless it's subconsciously. I'm not even familiar with their music.
I will be changing that line eventually, after I've given the rest of the lyrics some more thought. It will probably be:
"We enter the bay and I think we're alone." OR "When we enter the bay, I think we're alone."
Renee
I posted a new version here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11513282
I slowed it down a little, made the ending less abrupt and changed some of the lyrics. Here are the new lyrics.
verse:
As we enter the bay I think we're alone.
Just two thousand people or so.
Over the diesel engine's drone
I hear the roar of the waterfall's flow.
Then I see you near the shoreline, paddling by.
Twenty-five bright specks.
Some of you notice us waving "hi"
From the cruise ship's upper decks.
chorus:
On kayaks and cruise ships
We've come for the view,
Each in our own way.
On kayaks and cruise ships
To see something new.
And then we drift away.
verse:
In a boat that is your body's extension.
You know the water's feel.
From a vessel of sixty thousand gross tons,
The scene doesn't seem as real.
As you paddle onward, I look back
To trips decades ago.
All that I needed in a backpack.
Now it's in a floating condo
chorus
verse:
My journey is almost finished now
While yours has barely started.
Will you be in my place somehow
When I am long departed?
In a site that's so remote
Maybe my mind unravels.
I manage still to stay afloat
And continue with my travels.
chorus
Renee
Hi Renee,
The revised version works well. :D
Thanks for sharing.
James
