Lonely Fred's
by Jim Couch
Let me tell you little story, how I ended up in jail
Just a freaky little story, how I ended up in jail
This stories always about a woman
and makin life a living hell
One night I was feeling lonely, needed someone in my bed
Yeah one night I was so lonely, I needed someone in my bed
So I headed out on the town
to a bar named Lonely Fred's
Well I met up with a sweet thing, and I handed her a drink
Yeah I met up a sweet baby momma, and I handed her a drink
But there was something odd about her
Her big ol hands looked so strange to me
I took her back to my trailer, and we hopped on into bed
Yes, we took off all our clothes and hopped on into bed
But I felt something odd touching me
And I beat her-im half-dead
--------------------------------
I think the toughest thing about this was keeping it semi clean :) and only four verses. I am going to play around with what key and changes I wanna use when I get home. I am just pleased that I got something down this week... and pretty early.
Jim
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
Hi Jim
And welcome back - it's good to see you grace these pages again.
This is a very interesting mix - Lola meets the Blues - and a cool twist on the typical "being lonely" and "being in jail 'cause I killed someone" blues song. Nice. First verse is a good set up.
A little tweaking might help some of the rough spots. I thought this might help the third verse:
Well I met up with a sweet thing, and I handed her a drink
She was a slightly odd sweet baby momma, and I handed her a drink
Her big ol hands looked so strange to me
But when you're so lonely you don't think...
And you're on your own for the fourth verse! :wink: I thought you did very well for a family site!
Looking forward to more from you.
Peace
Thanks David! I really like that third verse. Sometimes the way I write it is not what I am hearing in my head, because I sing with a pretty loose style. So, your third fits perfectly to me.
and ya.. I tried hard to choose my words carefully. :oops:
Jim
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
Hey Jim,
Not what I would have expected from you but I like it.
Like David said it could use a little tweaking a his suggestion
is good.
I think the last line of the first verse is a little rough and
overuses the word "story" somewhat.
Maybe something like:
Ain't it always about a woman
making life a living hell.
Just my thoughts
John
Lonely Fred's
Let me tell you little story, how I ended up in jail
Just a freaky little story, how I ended up in jail
This stories always about a woman
and makin life a living hell
could be something to the efftct of:
Let me tell you little story, how I ended up in jail
Just a freaky little story, how I ended up in jail
You gotta know there's a woman at the center
of this sordid little tale
Not what I would have expected from you but I like it.
Thanks John and Pearl for the suggestions.. I'll play around with those a bit. Never know quite what to expect from myself :) but I want to try to get back into the game a bit.
Jim
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
