Ok, this is my first posting. I'll admit that I stole the basic structure from a Santana song...just couldn't get it out of my mind while writing. So here it goes.....
Worn and faded
I look at you and your styles outdated
Memories of the comfort you held
I still feel the way our bodies used to meld
Who would have thought I'd care
To take the time to write a song about a chair
Your covers torn and ragged
The support of your cushions has gone flacid
Wrap your arms around me
Welcome me with a seat so comfy
Never would have thought I'd care
To take the time to write a song about a chair
Your only purpose
You were built to please
The pain in my back
you never faild to ease
I guess that's why I thought I'd dare
To take the time to write a song about a chair
Well, there it is. Let me know what you think.
"D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly"--Nigel Tufnel
Welcome M1SPHIT, :D :D I have a chair like that also :lol: It's the simple things in life that are the best! :D I think the song is good and the only thing i would suggest is that you not let on that you are talking about a chair till the near the end of the song to create a bit of a surprise ending. What Santana tune is giving you a ear worm? I won't sleep tonight till I know!!! LOL--The dog.
It's called "Why Don't You and I". It's on the Shaman album. I heard it on the radio right before I saw the topic and it just wouldn't go away. :)
Thanks for the input. I'm seriously considering re-working it. I dashed this version off in about 10-15 minutes. I think I should put a little more thought into it and try to get rid of the Dr. Suess rhyming sceme.
"D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly"--Nigel Tufnel
Really liked this! I agree with Smokey that you might hang on to the "punchline" as it were, but don't ditch the rhyme scheme! That's part of what makes it work!
Why not try this for the earlier choruses:
Who would have thought I'd care
But I can't watch you just sitting there
And then the last time double it like this:
Who would have thought I'd care
But I can't watch you just sitting there
Yeah, who'd have thought I'd care
To take the time to write a song about a chair
Looking forward to the rewrite and can't wait to read more from you this year.
Peace
Ok, not sure about the rules for posting a rewrite so I'll just put it here. Love the suggestions.
Worn and faded
I look at you and your style seems dated
Memories of the comfort you held
I still feel the way our bodies used to meld
Just like a long lost lover
The joys you offer I've rediscoverd
Sitting there
Your so inviting
Your warm support
is so enticing
Wrap your arms around me
Lure me in with an embrace so comfy
Your only purpose
You were built for pleasure
Always there
To support my leisure
Always waiting, ready and willing
To ease any pains I might be feeling
Sitting there
Your so inviting
Your warm support
is so enticing
Wrap your arms around me
Lure me in with an embrace so comfy
Now your covers torn and ragged
The support you offered has gone flacid
Your back and sides are quite bare
Mostly covered with the cat's lost hair
I never would have thought I'd dare
Never would have thought I'd care
To write this song about a chair
Sitting there
Your so inviting
Your warm support
Is so enticing
Wrap your arms around me
Lure me in with an embrace so comfy
I like this version a lot better.
"D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly"--Nigel Tufnel
Excellent. I really like this.
The only lines that fell a bit oddly for me were these:
Wrap your arms around me
Lure me in with an embrace so comfy
Something about the syncopation doesn't feel quite right, but perhaps that can be smoothed out with the musical accompaniment...
Good job!
Ok, I've worked on the structure and flow. Added a few other little minor touches here and there.
Personally I still don't like it. But, it's the first time ever written anything in song form other than a few random thoughts here and there. So, I guess it's a good enough start and I am my own worst critic anyway.
Let me know what you good folks think.
Worn and faded
I look at you and your style seems dated
Memories of the comfort you held
The way our bodies used to meld
Like a long lost lover
The joys of you I've rediscoverd
Sitting there your so inviting
Your warm support is so enticing
Wrap your arms around me
Show me again how good that...
it can be
Your only purpose
You were built for pleasure
Always there
To support my leisure
Always waiting, ready and willing
To ease any pains I might be feeling
And sitting there your so inviting
Your warm support is so enticing
Wrap your arms around me
Show me again how good that...
it used to be
Yeah Sitting there your so inviting
Your warm support is so enticing
So wrap your arms around me
Show me again how good that...
it can be
Now your covers torn and ragged
The support you offered has gone flacid
Your back and sides are quite bare
And I never would have thought I'd dare
No, I Never would have thought I'd care
To write this song about a chair
Sitting there your so inviting
Your warm support is so enticing
Wrap your arms around me
Show me again how good that
it can be...
"D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly"--Nigel Tufnel
