SSG2-week 12 Ja'mir

I like the song, but the redundancy of "reminiscing the past" bothers me.  I would just draw out the "reminiscing", making it fill the whole measure, much as you did in the second line of the second verse.  I think this would add a melancholy tone to the chorus, eliminate the redundancy, and add "punch" without losing anything.  

Not to sound too critical, but "amber sky turning black" sounds too commonplace, especially after using "amber" in the first line.

Other than that, I really like all of the imagery you have used, and with the right melody this could definitely be a great one.

Just a suggestion for changes to the chorus, as always use it, abuse it, or lose it as you wish:

Portrait of sunset, amber hues fading fast
A day nearly over, reminiscing ….
Portrait of sunset, too beautiful to last
A life nearly over, reminiscing….

Please send me the mp3 as soon as you get it recorded.  I'll be eagerly waiting!

Hi'a Maxwell,

Well its......

Portrait of sunset, amber hues fading fast
A life nearly over, reminiscing the past
Portrait of sunset, amber sky turning black
A life nearly over, no turning back
or
Portrait of sunset, amber hues fading fast  
A day nearly over, reminiscing ?.
Portrait of sunset, too beautiful to last  
A life nearly over, reminiscing?.

or how about a compromise

Portrait of sunset, amber hues fading fast
A life nearly over, reminiscing the past  ( I like "the past" sorry )
Portrait of sunset, soon stars on velvet black
A life nearly over, no turning back

The picture is from the Lord of the Rings, Gandalf ( what else coming from me ) hanging off a cliff wrapped in his black cloak, grey hair billowing out, blined by the wicked dark rider people, but watching the sunset by magic and memory. wondering if he did everything right, and knowing his time was almost over.
::)
Anyway's your imput as always is invaluable and I might just go with your idea yet.

go well my friend
Ja'mir ;)

I do think your compromise works, but the "past" part is one of those grammatical things that is going to bug me every time I hear it, as Merriam-Webster defines "reminisce" as: " the process or practice of thinking or telling about past experiences", so saying reminiscing the past is like saying "thinking about past experiences that happened in the past".  

Perhaps I'm being too critical, and if you like it that way and that is the way you want to keep it, then by all means do so, and I am sure it will sound right no matter which way you choose to do it.  Remember I am more critical of you than of others because I am your number one fan, so I expect excellence every time. 8)

ok, ok, ok, remember i am Irish !

I have just confirred with "himself " here and he agrees with you, so your version stays. :-[

go well

Jamir ;)

Hi Jamir  :)

After listening to a couple of your songs, I think it needs very little change.

Maybe here

Did he make right all he did wrong
to
Did he make right all his wrongs

and

Swells dancing with the last shafts of light
needs something changed here, I gotta go just got company.

take care
inkpen :)

Hmmmmmmmmmm.  Another line for my "Lines to Work With" file:  Reminiscing moments that never met the test of time,  (day dreaming, in other words).  Thanks Jamir!