Ok, here is my take on this. Comments, suggestions and threats welcome :-)
Ask Someone
They know who I am
My songs on every radio
My picture in every paper
Packed rooms at every show.
lovers at every turn
They don't know me
Just what the songs say
Just what the papers say
They know all my songs
I'm their dream lover
<chorus>
Ask someone who loves me
someone who truely loves me
if you can find them
ask someone who knows me
someone who truely knows me
if you can find them
They know me when
the songs are on top
the fame is pouring in
but when the fame is gone
I go home alone
<chorus>
<bridge>
Everyone says they know me
love letters in the mail everyday
devoting their lifes to me
the perfect dream lover
but they don't know to me
Just what they want to know
just the image
just the star
<chorus>
<outro>
someday someone will love me
love me for me
not for the image
not for the star
but for me
someday
Rich
Rich. I like the song. I think thats what all of us at this forum dream about. However, I do think the song could benefit from some added imagery. Like we did last week. Its just a friendly suggestion, I guess it is fine as it is but the reason for this is to stretch our imagination
So maybe it would look something like this
They know who I am
My songs jamming on every station
My cocky smile in every paper
Sold out at every late night show
Screaming fans in every town
Blessings
Olav
Hi Rich
This is a good starting point - definitely what I used to dream of.
Just to pick up on what Olav says you just need to take some of these phrases and put more imagery into them.
"My picture in every paper" could be "My face at every turn" - that kind of thing - I know that messes with the last line of the verse but that could be "Lovers in every town"
Anyway have a look through and see if there're any lines which could be reworked in this fashion.
I like the chorus as well one word changes work for me.
Good stuff
Bob ;)
You are what you eat, eat well
I am ok with the amount of imagery, but would take another look at the rhythm in several spots.
Definitely gets an A for following the assignment. ;)
Thanks for the comments. Here is version 2. Give me some feedback. Bob: Thanks for the line "My face at every turn" that works so well.
I might need to work a bit on getting my ideas across, this is suppost to be a song about a singer who is looking for someone who loves him for him and not the image and songs he sings. He is tired off all the groupies.
Ask Someone
They know who I am
They know all my songs
My face at every turn
Sold out shows every night
lovers in every town
But they don't know me
Just the image I show
Just the songs I sing
What they want to believe
I'm their dream lover
<chorus>
Ask someone who loves me
someone who truely loves me
if you can find them
ask someone who knows me
someone who truely knows me
if you can find them
They all want know me
when the songs are on top
when the fame is pouring in
but when the fame is gone
I go home alone
<chorus>
<bridge>
Everyone says they know me
love letters in the mail everyday
devoting their lifes to me
the perfect dream lover
but they don't know to me
Just what they want to know
just the image
just the star
<chorus>
outro:
someday someone will love me
love me for me
not for the image
not for the star
but for me
someday
