Week 11 An Attempt

Hi Kath, it's been a while.....

It's a start. It's a good start in that it's got you writing - but if there's one think I've learned from our mutual friend David, it's to be more (pro-)active rather than passive.....

"There's a song in there somewhere
But I'm not going to write it
Words come tumbling out
But I'm trying to fight it"

"There's a song in there somewhere" works well as an opening line - but it might work better if you change the 2nd & 4th lines round a little. Instead of the negative, accentuate the positive (I think that's been said before....)

"There's a song in there somewhere,
That I can't fight,
Words come tumbling out,
Begging me to write,"

Now it's more active - instead of telling us you're NOT going to write this song (which you've already got a chorus for!) you're telling us you're at least THINKING about putting pen to paper.

"There's a song in there somewhere
I know that it's true
But I'm not going to write it
Cause you'll think it's about you."

Nothing wrong with repeating a line - emphasises the point that there IS a song in there somewhere. "I know it's true" is pretty weak though (IMO) - doesn't add anything, it's just a throw away line. Consider something like "dying to tell the truth" or "bursting with the truth" - the song's still trying hard to get out. "But I'm not going to write it" works OK, although "but it may stay unwritten" might work just as well - then leave the last line alone.

So.....

There's a song in there somewhere,
That I can't fight,
Words come tumbling out,
Begging me to write,
There's a song in there somewhere,
Bursting with the truth,
But it may stay unwritten,
Cause you'll think it's about you."

Now you've got your listeners thinking - "is that me?" - and they're also thinking about the dilemma you're in. Should I write this song and risk upsetting a friend OR feeding a colleague's ego? Could go either way....although the last two lines you wrote reminded me a little of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" (great song!) and that can't be bad!

Another thing I've learned from David and Nick - never be satisfied with a first draft. It's just a template for a future song - just a mad rush of ideas that need polishing.

So to summarise - you've got the beginnings/makings of a chorus. All you need to do now is remember where the original idea came from and expand on it a little. Doesn't even matter if it's true to life or not...it's as real as the listener imagines it to be!

Good luck with the rest of it....and I hope you get it finished!

:D :D :D

Vic

Hi Kath,

Looks like a good start. It's a clever chorus :D I'll offer up some brainstorming as well....maybe something will help nudge a direction :roll:

Try answering these questions or chose one of the possible options and see if they help flesh out a situation/relationship:

There's a song in there somewhere When is this being sung? After a break up; close to the end of a serious relationship? Before the beginning of a relationship and the singer is resisting; not wanting to fall in love? Is the song being sung to the singer him/herself or to the singee.....does the singer want the singee to know what the singer is going through or want to keep it all inside?
But I'm not going to write it What would the singer be confirming? admitting they're in love? admitting they're not in love anymore? admitting one is in love but the other wants to move on?]
Words come tumbling out Words for what emotion? Anger? Regret? Disappointment? Hate? Love? Denial? Shame?]
But I'm trying to fight it [fight from admitting to who? him/herself? to the singee?]
There's a song in there somewhere
I know that it's true What's true? a relationship is beginning? ending? over? built on a lie?]
But I'm not going to write it
Cause you'll think it's about you. the singee moved away and singer is not enjoying the long-term relationship separation? The singee cheated? the singer cheated? the singer doesn't want to fall in love? The singer needs a "break" from the singee or time to heal from being cheated on and doesn't want to break up but isn't ready to take the singee back yet?

If nothing sparks from any of the answers you give or chose the first time through, then try answering all the questions in the opposite of what you answered the first time and see where those answers take you.

Also, one of the first places I go to on assignments is to google "quotes" on the subject, so you can read some quotes on the following: breakups, love, falling in love, adultery, resistance, fortitude, ending, beginning, acceptance, denial....etc....pick one word to describe the emotion the singer is feeling or fighting

Also, check out Sara Bareille's - Love Song
http://artists.letssingit.com/sara-bareilles-lyrics-love-song-35x49nj
or similar songs you might know to use as a starting point or frame work to build the verses from.
maybe
Carly Simon's - You're So Vain
http://artists.letssingit.com/carly-simon-lyrics-youre-so-vain-37zqmnf

Also, you could give the singer and singee Meyer's Brigg's Personality Types to flesh out who they are and what they would value or not want to lose because of the way they are wired
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

James

PS I also misread the last line at first which totally changed the meaning/feeling of the song, so if you're still stuck, you could try this:

There's a song in there somewhere,
That I can't fight,
Words come tumbling out,
Begging me to write,
There's a song in there somewhere,
Bursting with the truth,
But it may stay unwritten,
Cause IT WILL MAKE ME THINK ABOUT YOU (What I thought read)

Nice attempt!

Not too much there to comment on, but the 'I know it's true' line really stuck out for me as well. That would be an easy change though.

I like the direction that Vic suggested you head with it, and maybe that will even give you some ideas on where to go for some verses. You have an interesting concept here to work with and I'd love to see a whole lyric develop out of it. :)

Hi Kathy

Good to see you again and this is definitely worth working on. I like a lot of the suggestions that both Vic and James have made already and the only thing I'd add is that you might just switch one word in the first line and that may help pry the rest of the song loose:

There's a song in here somewhere

or

There's a song in this somewhere

Focusing on where, exactly, the song is may help bring the song about the song to the fore.

Looking forward to more on this one, not to mention more from you in general.

Peace