Hi all, here's my submission.
Last Dash Tommy.
Take your time to know a man who's hatched the devils egg.
A man who once had owned the world has now learned how to beg.
Tommy had a notion that his time would never end.
An end that swept down quickly with a bitter chilling wind.
A man of words,
don't he deserve,
to rise up from the ash.
To crash on through
like he used to do,
and bring home all the cash.
You never know those close to you until you start to fall.
His friends fought over his assets while his wife gave him a call,
she said, "I found another man to support me and the child."
Tommy, desperate now, thought of something wild.
A man of words,
don't he deserve,
to rise up from the ash.
To crash on through
like he used to do,
and bring home all the cash.
Tommy grabbed, the last he had, hoping things would be the same.
He headed down, to the pit of town, for a high stakes poker game.
A man of words,
don't he deserve,
to rise up from the ash.
To crash on through
like he used to do,
and bring home all the cash.
©2006 J. Aldridge
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Hi Saber,
welcome to the forum. This is great, and for a first time out its even better, well done. Id love to hear this one if you felt so inclined. By the way there's no real pressure to record it, but the recording often irons out any tricky bits in there. Anyway I think this is a great effort.
cheers
pbee
errrr, at the risk of sounding stupid. How would I record guitar onto my computer?
Say you were right. I tried to put a tune to it and I found the words "and go home with the cash" sounded dry and a bit piculiar. Unfortunatly all I could think of to replace it was "and clean up all the cash," which really isn't much better. Maybe I'll see something different tomarrow when I've gotten some sleep though.
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
hey and welcome
I have to echo Pbee with his comments on your first SSG song
Next time have a look under Bob at top of posts he gives us topics to write on ..
As for recording I can 't do it for some reason I have tried and it just
don' t work for me ( then again some say I'm pretty thick :lol: )
hope the following link can help if not scroll to in the studio and ask there
https://www.guitarnoise.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=21436&sid=d231792f1cccadf65980288b04944dae
have fun
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hi and welcome
Can't help you with the recording into computer bit (but there are many here who can and will - definitely stop in at the Recording Forum page and introduce yourself) but I'd like to suggest "rake in all the cash," which will fit with your syllable count and also work in the whole gambling imagery.
Great first effort and looking forward to more.
Peace
Arrrg, this is tough. I liked the imagery of him going home with the money, bringin home the bacon so to speak, so I think I'll settle with this.
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
To crash on through
like he used to do,
and bring home all the cash.
I think that's fine or even:
To crash on through
like he used to do,
and bring home all that cash.
sometimes changing just one word can make a big difference. "the cash" are two quite soft sounding words. "that cash" on the other hand are 1) a hard sounding word followed by a soft one & 2) it forces you to make a tiny little pause in there. Its really all about how it sounds to you though.
cheers
pbee
