hey... here you go:
Purpose to the hole!
The lines on your face and that absurd way you behave
Convince me it is the wait, always the wait
Connecting intervals, leaving you in ever-growing space
With mental mockery and no ace to serve against
Hearses closing in on you, who is upright, petrified
And such an easy aim for their sickening light
“This brain's become a madhouse again†you think
As they offer you reshuffling so you might still win
But they are cardless
And you are depressed
Enough to accept that
Mumbling you turn to doubt's gloating grimace
And roll up your sleeves instead of a white flag-
“See, I am yours to takeâ€
But you still bear the hope
Of a purpose to this hole
In the fabric of time so
Sooner or later you may resurface to meet Jack
On his way back and behold the chocolate mouth that
You aren't allowed to taste just yet
..and it'll be pure happiness.
...so that was that.... does "death cab" mean the same as "hearse"? it sounds like it does, but I didn't find a definition.... just the band death cab for cutie everywhere(they pretty good by the way).... anyone got an idea?
also not sure about the 'song'... but anyways..
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
I can't answer about "death cab," (way too far out of the loop) but it makes sense that it would be a reasonable synonym.
Liked the line, "...But they are cardless..." and especially liked "...And roll up your sleeves instead of a white flag..."
Maybe it's the hour of the morning, but I'm having a hard time getting a handle on what this might sound like. It's definitely very moody, at least in visual imagery.
Peace
I always imagined a death cab was some kind of 'taxi of doom' out of a weird sci-fi/horror movie.
As for the song, I like it more than your last week's offering. The first two verses are especially good, as is the end. The bit about rolling up your sleeves instead of a white flag is excellent. The only lines I'm not sure about are:
But they are cardless
And you are depressed
Firstly because cardless is an unusual word which breaks the flow of the song.
Secondly because the card theme has only been introduced with 'reshuffling' in the previous line, and we have not had enough time develop a mental image of people who have cards but might actually be cardless. I think if cards were mentioned somehow in the first verse ('ace' doesn't count because you used it with 'serve' which connotes tennis), the cardless line might have a better chance of working.
Thirdly because I generally don't like it when songs talk about something complex like being depressed in such unsubtle terms.
Hope that helps with your song. By the way, as usual, I have absolutely no idea what kind of music this would go with, or what kind of music you play, or whether you are just a lyricist. I tend to find that non-guitarists write much more complex and 'structurally liberated' songs than guitarists, that's why I wondered. If you don't mind I might look back over some of your songs and try doing some music. I probably won't get far but I should learn something.
i dont think ive ever said this but im always impressed by your work, because you take poetry and make it into song, something i myself attempt, but usually fall short, of doing. once again an excellent job
chec out my music
http://www.myspace.com/spencerbeasleymusic
pm if u like it or send me a message on myspace
I actually thought death cab and hearse were the same thing ..
Anyway back to the rest of your song I like this a lot ..
Would love to herd it
good writting ms Angel
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
hey all:)
so death cab seems to work, too, aye? 'cause I'd much rather use that word instead of "hearses".
'ace' doesn't count because you used it with 'serve' which connotes tennis
martin-6, that was a misuse of the word then.. I actually thought it would be still in the card imagery, like laying down/playing/serving(?) an ace during the game. I didn't mean to refer to tennis. so how do I say it right, so that it is about cards?
and if that would be right do you think the "cardless" would work then? I hope so.
as for me being a lyricist, yes that is definitely more applying to me than being a guitarist, as I do play the guitar, but very poorly (and composing is usually very difficult for me)... not many songs of mine are set to music, but I at least got a few of them done (no masterpieces though)... and if you like you can listen to some at http://www.soundclick.com/whateverkeepsyouupatnight
oh and of course I wouldn't mind you trying to look back over some of my pieces. that should be interesting and I'm curious to see if you get something done and what it sounds like:)
thank you everyone for your helpful and nice comments
cheers
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Ah, well the only words you would use in a card context are to play an ace (during the game) or to be dealt an ace (at the start of the game). So the line could be "with no ace to play" or some other expression like "with no ace to bail you out / save you". Actually I'm not sure why you put 'against' on the end of the line; do you mean that "you" have no ace, or that the other person/people have no aces?
However, even with 'ace' in the fourth line and 'reshuffling' in the eighth, I don't think there is enough foreshadowing of the card theme for 'cardless' to be a logical word choice for the next bit of the song. That doesn't mean you can't use it. It just makes the difference between the song being slightly cryptic and extremely cryptic. I would prefer the song if it was closer to 'slightly cryptic'. :)
