I could be king of this deck;
You have a different view.
You make me your fool ... and I perform for you.
I jump through hoops until we fall,
Until I get the call.
You say we are through -- admit you've been untrue.
Then when your new dream cracks
And I take you back
Your friends all laugh.
chorus
I am your Joker and you are my number Nine
cuz baby, you've got nine lives when it comes to me.
You've played me out and flushed me down time after time.
We got history.
We got history.
I juggle my pride for number nine.
Have you seen a card trick before?
I have one up my sleave.
Next time that you leave, I'll show you what I mean.
Yeah, finally this Joker's wild
So wipe away your smile.
You might as well cash in -- I'll show you what you win:
An escort out the door,
That's the final score
(till I'm ready for more ...)
repeat chorus
Hi iambictreat,
Nice job with this. I really enjoyed it.
I'm always a bit apprehensive about offering advice to others because most like yourself write alot better than I do. That said, if this was mine here's a couple things I'd change:
"jump through hoops until we fall" -> I'd try to work the card theme in here, maybe something like stacking a house of card
"when your new dream cracks" -> I'd change "dream" to "deck" like in cracking open a new deck of cards
"You've played me out and flushed me down time after time" -> work in some card theme here too maybe something along the lines of "You've splashed the pot and cleaned me out time after time."
Good job & I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stuff.
I think Mike has some good ideas (particularly like the "crack a new deck" thought) that can help, but at the same time it's also good to not go so overboard on imagery that it doesn't sound natural (I think my own piece this week suffers a lot in that regard).
I really like the way the chorus flows. What sort of music do you have running in your head?
Looking forward to more.
Peace
Thanks guys!
It's an up-tempo country-rocker.
