Snap
© 2005 Paul Brady
V1
Innocence and Ignorance
Forfeit without regret
You sit right down and stump it up
Fifty two will have you yet
V2
You watch the cards you watch them drop
The faces card and man
This is where the game is played
The dealer deals your hand
Chorus
Welcome to the ring my friend
Welcome to this dance
Come sweep the floor see how it suites
Pays your money takes your chance
V3
The game is all consuming
And takes you at the turn
You sell your soul with every bet
The price you've yet to learn
V4
There's more at risk than table stakes
Your options you discard
A shuffle here a showdown there
The diamond takes the heart
Chorus
Welcome to the ring my friend
Welcome to this dance
Come sweep the floor see how it suites
Pays your money takes your chance
Pbee,
Nice one.
On the last line of verse 2 it would be nice
if you could change either "dealer" or "deals"
just because they are next to each other.
But I may just be nitpicking.
So along that same line:
Pay your dues and takes your chance
How about , Ante up and take your chance.
Just a thought
John
Hi John,
thanks for that. I like the "ante" bit, not sure on the "Dealer deals" bit.
cheers
pbee
Very good, my favorite verse is-"Innocence and Ignorance
Forfeit without regret
You sit right down and stump it up
Fifty two will have you yet "
You Know your way around a deck of them cards :P --the dog
Very slick. I like this.
Not sure if you were looking for ideas on the "Dealer deals" bit, but if you wanted you could substite "dealer" with something like "fate" and get the same idea across. Just a thought.
Nice job with this.
hey pbee,
I really liked this song. I read it as though the player was not playing for his money, but more for his life. It's like you twisted the friendly game of cards into a game of russian roulette. Very nice. Since this translated like that to me, I would keep the "pay your dues" instead of the "ante up" and I liked PORR's turn of "dealer" into "fate". If this is what you were going for, I think it would make better imagery.
Again, great song.
Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
I like "the dealer deals" and think it works well in the context here. Everything is taut - brief, short words wih little time to wonder or change your mind about a bet.
The only thing that seems a little rough is the second line of the fourth verse:
Your options you discard
I get what you're saying but it seems a little awkwardly phrased compared to the natural flow of the rest of the song. No suggestions for it as of yet, but I'll think about it awhile.
As always, looking forward to more.
Peace
Thanks for the feedback everyone. This song is all about the seduction of gambling, and peirson your right he's not just playing for the money, although he thinks he is. And the money is certainly the seduction.
Your options you discard
This is the point where he commits himself to the game at the expense of all else. It doesn't completely convey that message I agree.
Cheers
pbee
