the first one is an artist who is on the road trying to get his music out there. the second one is the wife at home. . . just thought it'd be neat to take the two different points of view on this one. . .
It's you
how many miles must i drive
to find one person, just one person
to listen to what i wrote
to every precious note
i wrote this song for you, my dear
i want the world to hear the melody
i wrote this song for you darling
but no one will listen to me sing
you are beautiful you have brilliant eyes
you make me smile with a look
i ache with lonliness for you
you, and our children too
i wrote this song for you, my dear
i want the world to hear the melody
i wrote this song for you darline
but no one will listen to me sing
i moved us to nashville
from your home in santa fe
you're the realist in the family i guess
but every time i leave i know i'm blessed
to have you in my life
to keep me safe from strife
i wrote this song for you, my dear
i want the world to hear the melody
i wrote the song for you darling
but no one will listen to me sing
oh won't you just listen to me sing
*repeat till fade away*
The Wife's lament
You left me alone again
alone with the children you left too
they ask me every night where their daddy is
i tell them
Daddy is gone, he's singing songs
telling the whole world about his love for you
Daddy is gone but he's right here by your side
He loves you and he'll be home soon
I miss you so much
i know you're living your dream
but have you ever considered what i dream?
i dream of
a house with you in it
a father for my children
someone to hold me when i'm scared
why won't you hold me when i'm scared?
you're on the road again
you're always on the road away from me
i need you to be here for your family
is your music so important
that you neglect the ones you love
are notes and chords and melodies
all that's in your heart?
I love you, I need you, why can't you see
that I love you, I need you and you're never here.
Ruepickle,
I like these two songs but will make a couple of suggestions.
The first song "It's You" seems like it could use some general
tightening up.
The chorus is a good example:
i wrote this song for you, my dear
i want the world to hear the melody
i wrote this song for you darling
but no one will listen to me sing
May be something like:
i wrote this song for you
so the world could hear of my love
i wrote this song for you my darling
but no one will listen to me sing
The second song "The Wife's Lament" seems to be more centered
and the emotions come through better.
Again maybe some slight chances on the chorus
Daddy is gone, he's singing songs
telling the whole world about his love for you
Daddy is gone but he's right here by your side
He loves you and he'll be home soon
Maybe:
Daddy is gone, he's singing songs
telling the whole world about our love
Daddy is gone but he's thinkink of us
He loves you and he'll be home soon
Just some thoughts
John
