Basically, the idea behind this song is the sad and ironic lifecycle of a sneaker.
verse 1: From the POV of a kid in a third-world country making the sneaker in a sweatshop.
chorus
verse 2: From the POV of an affluent American kid who buys the sneaker.
chorus
verse 3: From the POV of a poorer American kid who gets donated the sneaker after wear and tear.
chorus
bridge
verse 4: From the POV of the kid in the first verse to whom the sneaker has returned in a clothes donation drive after a natural disaster.
chorus
The chorus will start out with something like "What a beautiful new shoe" and then the second half will be personalized to the character it addresses.
The other stuff is to come in the days to follow. :)
This is a really good concept - good idea for a story which could be quite metaphorical in concept.
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
What a terrific idea!! This is loaded with all sorts of potential and I think the challenge will be in not packing it too full of stuff. Very clever and I'm eager to read what you come up with.
Peace
one more thought - wouldn't it be interesting if one of the third or fourth generation sneaker owners stole them? Just an idea...
Peace
Hmm. I could conceivably have the poor kid steal them, but I don't want to send the wrong message.
It's getting late in the factory by now
Only three hours left to go
Sometimes in my sleep I wonder how
There is nothing in this life but to sew
This bright white sneaker I hold
Contrasts my dark calloused hand
I pray to Allah for a lump of gold
To carry me away to a far-off land
What a beautiful shoe
In this dark scary life
I wonder who
Will wear this shoe
Oh, this beautiful shoe
Reminds me of the pain
Of working all your life
And having nothing to gain
Mommy took me to the mall today
She got me a pair of bright new shoes
White and gold and springy in the step, and hey,
They've got that Nike swoosh that I like, too
I don't know how food gets on the table
I don't know how shoes get on my feet
All I know is we've always been able
I've always got plenty to eat
What a beautiful shoe
In this beautiful life
I know I
Will wear this shoe with pride
Oh, this beautiful shoe
Reminds me of the fun
Of playing ball and ice cream cones
And biking in the sun
Today I bought old shoes at the thrift store
Because mine were too worn down
I understand that Daddy is too poor
But I don't get why we have to scrounge around
Why can't I have the shiny new toys
That all my other friends get
All the other little girls and boys
Don't have holes in their clothes I bet
What a beautiful shoe
In this unfair life
The only thing
That makes me feel a king
Oh, this beautiful shoe
Reminds me of the hurt
When I see my friends' new coats
And I'm wearing my uncle's shirt
All the beautiful shoes
All the beautiful feet
All the beautiful tables
With beautiful things to eat
If I could have something beautiful
Even for just a day
I'd want this beautiful shoe
So I could run and play
Today the factory was getting too warm
When a breeze of fresh air blew
Volunteers came and all us laborers formed
A group around their box to view
They had one thing for each of us here
They had one for me, too
When I pulled it back in my hand to peer
I saw...a worn-out white shoe
What a beautiful shoe
In this dark scary life
Now I know who
Comes to wear this shoe
Oh, this beautiful shoe
Reminds me of the hitch
That everything comes back to you
But it's only new and shiny if you're rich
N.B.: Â The third-to-last chunk is a bridge.
This song was incredibly difficult to write. Â I definitely feel like it's not as good as it could be, but hopefully it's at least palatable.
Alpaca I have to say I love your song. The story is great.
It took me a couple of reads to get into it and get a feel for the rhythm but I have to say it really got me hooked.
All I can suggest is that you try and tighten up the lyrics and drop some of the unnecesary words just to make the whole thing a bit more immediately appealing.
I hope you will forgive me but I liked the song so much that I tried a re-write of the first verse.
It's getting late in the factory now
Three hours left to go
When I sleep I dream of other worlds
When I'm awake I sew
The bright white sneaker that I hold
Feels smooth in my calloused hand
I pray to Allah for a little gold
To take me to a far off land.
Keep at this song because it is worth it
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
