Edit: I took out that wasting on the seafloor crap. It didn't really fit and it bothered too much with my values to keep it in.
I'm still working on the soundfile for last weeks song. I'm in the middle of switching apartments so everythings kind of been put on delay. I did have time to write this though.
Generation
You,
reek of a new
behavior to consume
the maybes that would push
our next new voice on through.
You,
might think it feels right
to wage a fruitless fight
against the forces of wrong and right,
against the makers of day and night.
But gauge your efforts
destroyers of old.
Think twice
on what your told.
Struggle hard
to rise above
a world you'll soon become
a part of.
Don't let the taste
of memories become too sweet.
Once satisfied with memories
you know your beat.
You!!!
Find every side
to what you do
Find every niche
when you pursue
a thought which
lives only in concept
The lurking shadow
of ones own regret
And gauge your efforts
destroyers of old.
Think twice
on what your told.
Struggle hard
to rise above
a world you'll soon become
a part of.
You may find that
generations come and go
that your a victim of the tide
in this worlds ebb and flow
but some will always crave
wanting something more
trying with all their might
to get the farthest up the shore
So know your efforts
destroyers of old.
The world is built
for the strong and bold.
Struggle hard
to rise above
a world you'll soon become
a part of.
© Joshua Aldridge 2006
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Hey Saber.
Nice work on your song. :D
The one part I had trouble with was "....to become above..."
"But gauge your efforts
destroyers of old.
Think twice
on what your told.
Struggle hard
to become above
a world you'll soon become
a part of."
It works after singing it a few times, but doesn't work. I think because "above and "part of" rhyme is why it works and "....to become above...." just seem bland to me maybe. No biggie.
"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis
Everything is 42..... again.
Your right.
QUICK CHANGE!!!
Thanks
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Saber,
Nice work! I like to say I wouldn't change a word but
actually I think I would change one.
How about if you were to change "fruitless" to "futile"
Just a thought it just works better for me that way.
John
hey josh, really liked this, especiallyYou may find that
generations come and go
that your a victim of the tide
in this worlds ebb and flow
good writting, profound, nice song.
m
sytys
Thanks ya'll, I really apprechiate the comments!!!
And Celt, I would have to have to hear it with whatever music I might put into it to make a legitimit decision. UNTIL THEN!!!
And I am working on recording. Slowly but steadily.
Thanks again!!!
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Hi, I really like this, can't find anything I would change. The best line is "the makers of day and night" - very interesting phrase.
One question: is it "your beat" or "you're beat" - because both make sense but obviously the meaning changes...
Hi Saber
Powerful piece
a world you'll soon become
a part of.
Killer line - love it
Great stuff
Bob
You are what you eat, eat well
