Hello,
Haven't posted in almost a year. I've had this idea about broken dreams, corporate/hate your job type stuff for a while and decided to adapt it to this weeks assignment. Thrown together really quick so pretty rough and just words.
There's a clock by my bed
staring back at me
I hate it more every day
it's all I can see
it reminds me when i wake
of who i've become
all that went wrong and
what i'm hiding from
I used to say i'd never be that guy
punching that clock and
living a lie
I had big dreams and
the stuff to back em up
until that one day i let the whiskey fill my cup
Now 20 years have gone by
and there's barely a spark left in my eye
I don't have time on my side
so this will be one last fast ride
I'll give it every last bit I got
just let me for once not see that clock
Now time will keep on movin on
and it won't be too long before
this dream is gone
but that ticking clock keeps
tearing at my soul
and there's a burning in me
more than you'll ever know
I know 20 years have gone by
but i still got a little spark in my eye
i don't have much time on my side
but i'm going to give it one last ride
i'll give it every last bit I got
just for once to not see that clock
edub
Hi Edub,
Looks like you're off to a good start on this one :D
The opening verse is intriguing.
It feels like you have two stories/ideas going on; one is a person who hates his mundane job waking up getting ready to go to work or thinking before he falls asleep at night.
The other is of an alcoholic who has to drink just to get by, but can't get it together to live/fulfill his dreams, but he is going to take a risk and try to live out a dream b/c he has had a wake up call that his life won't have many more opportunities. "but i'm going to give it one last ride; i'll give it every last bit I got"
Suggestion: Consider clarifying the main emotion - angst about life and venting about where the singer is or hope in making a change to make something good out of his/her remaining years.
If the main emotion is the first one "angst", an idea for a title could be "Clock Puncher"....the singer hates punching a clock 9 to 5 and loses it when the boss tells him over and over to get to work on time.....so he punches the boss' clock (literally beats him up) and is sentenced to prison, but he finds peace b/c he has everything he needs and doesn't have to "punch in" or "clock in" to work anymore.
If the focus is the latter, "Wake Up Call" could be a title meaning the alarm goes off to start the day and he has had a life wake up call to change his life.
Take or leave whatever you see fit.
Congrats on posting again. :D
James
Thanks James. I'm pretty sure it's angst but I haven't sat down with my guitar yet. It's somewhat autobiographical. I'm not atotal drunk but could've drank less when I was younger. I'll try to reel it I a bit.
By the way I really liked the writing on your winn-Dixie song. Before I knew the assignment it reminded of one my favorite songwriters, Hayes Carll. Thanks again for the feedback.
I'm not atotal drunk but could've drank less when I was younger.
Not knowing you and not knowing it was autobiographical, the comments were not a judgement call on my part. I could have misinterpreted, but it came across that drinking was the source of the problems as no other sources were indicated.
I could have been reading into this line too much, but I thought it was a good line that showed the singer was beyond drinking socially. "until that one day i let the whiskey fill my cup" as whiskey is usually drunk in a glass....but cup seemed like hiding the drinking like drinking on the job. In addition, I thought this line was b/c of the drinking "and there's barely a spark left in my eye"
My apologies if I offended you in any way.
Thanks for the encouragement on Winn-Dixie. I hadn't heard of Hayes Carll so I'll have to check him out.
Oh gosh absolutely no offense at all. Sorry for that misunderstanding. I'm definitely a social drinker in my old age. Can't stand whiskey just adding some color. I think cup was for the rhyme, but thanks for the credit.
But once again absolutely no offense at all taken.
Edub
But once again absolutely no offense at all taken.
Great, then cheers :wink:
