BLOODY FREAKING CRAP that took forever.
But I'm done.
This isn't from a movie or book or anything, but it's the subtext that my favorite artist puts on all of his work. I figured that qualifies.
"HOON
Reading Alien Palms since 2003â„¢"
-there it is.
It's in Beck style, and I felt kind of bad about the ripping, so this'll be the only one. Would like to turn it into a recording once I finish all the other ones I want to do though.
Here it is.
Alien Palm Readers Paradise.
Fastened to the edge of a moving train
Buckled to the wing of a high-speed plane
I've got my life in a bag, on the edge of a stick
And the spinning sun is just a parlor trick
Of the mind when the body tells the brain to give in
To the sound of the heat and your melting skin
While laid back on the side of a desert road
The cacti singing of a wetter home
A passing lizard stops to read my mind
He moves on when he knows everything's alright
The train tracks crawl through the dirty sand
Through the tree and stream, into a bloated mans hand
With a crooked smile and his sight on a vagrant
with a clotted heart he defends all that's decent
On a seat of gold, from a tower of the free.
That‘s made from death toys and a pocket full of candy
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
Hey mate, wait, got a minute I can borrow?
In every palm is a glimpse of tommorow.
I woke up one morning and I knew I was freed
I'm lookin' for a future that I can read.
Across grass and dirt, rock and snow
You keep moving on forward and you learn to know
That borders start to fade if you train your eye
To recognize property is a lie
A fable to make you believe you are empty
If you live on your feet and create your own journey
Every new day comes with a different sky
You breathe, eat, sleep, with the tumble of the dice
Not a moment of time can pass you by
In an alien palm readers paradise
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
Hey mate, wait, got a minute I can borrow?
In every palm is a glimpse of tommorow.
©Joshua Aldridge, 2006
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Great song Saber, I really like the way the lyrics flow from one line to the next;
And the spinning sun is just a parlor trick
Of the mind when the body tells the brain to give in
To the sound of the heat and your melting skin
My only *slight* quibble is that at four repeated phrases, the chorus seems a bit bland when compared to the rest of the song.
Maybe you could add more to it? (this is just my opinion, obv. I doun't know how the song sounds)
Perhaps something like'
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
Reading a future with joy or with sorry
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
I can't give you that time, from me it's just borrowed
Still really like the song though. Well done! :)
Pete
Weeeeeelllll, it's kind of beck style, and if you've heard devil's hair cut or looser, then you will see that the one line chorus can actually work. The way I reasoned it out is that since the verses are "train of thought," and are just sort of one continuous line, then the repitition in the chorus is used to break that continuity and form a sort of lyrical hook.
Of course I'm making this up as I go along, but it sounds good so what teh heck.
Thanks for the comment. :)
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Hey Josh,
I like it a lot; it has a really nice and tight flow to it, good stuff. I can see what Pete is getting at with the chorus though, but I quite like the idea of the repetition. Mind you even with trains of thought there are often deviations, maybe if the last line was just subtly different from the other three you could still achieve the same effect. Id love to hear it.
Paul
YA'LL SWAYED ME!!!
Edit: And here's a link to his and the mess crew's website. http://www.messs.cc/
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
Saber,
I have to agree with Pete's "slight quibble" but it's
your song and if you think it will work go for it.
But just a bit of food for thought this how I would go.
Give me your palm and I'll look for tomorrow
Give me your palm and barter your sorrow
Hey mate, wait, got a minute I can borrow?
In every palm is a glimpse of tommorow.
Just my opinion and other than that one small point...
Great Song
John
Hi Saber
This is a bombardment of consciousness that just seems to drag you in and keep hold of you. The title is enough to make you get involved but then the verses just keep coming at you. Hooked me from the start and I loved it.
Got to say I was particularly impressed by
I've got my life in a bag, on the edge of a stick
as it paints a fantastic picture in my mind.
Great stuff
bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
Thanks, always good to hear input!!!
"Like the coldest winter chill. Heaven beside you. Hell within." -Jerry Cantrell
