O.K. here it is again but I made some major corrections to it and I hope it is better:
The Rise
(Intro)
The symptoms are coming to me,
Audiovisual madness, what does it really mean?
Continuous confusion counts down as time slips away,
I cant think straight,
The fog in my head won't blow away.
(Verse one)
Not hearing clear,
Obstructed sight,
All the noises inside my ears,
The daze of confusion for so many years,
I can't see the light,
Please don't cry, for darkness has no tears.
(Chorus)
Make the words matter because war is on,
Let's see what happens,
The battle was lost but the war was won,
No one here will ever give up,
We've tried so hard,
We've come too far.
(Verse two)
Grace under pressure,
I'm on the rise
Will I come up short of measure?
Will I realize?
Will I I surmount the highest hill?
Or will I live a lie?
(Verse three)
I can see that the melodies are new to me,
Got to learn the ropes,
Pull them tight,
There are kinks in the line,
These are things that just aren't right,
Everything will turn out fine.
(Outro)
I can see the light,
Look at me,
There's no stopping now,
A tightrope walk out of insanity,
I'm on the rise,
I'll be the best I can be.
The end
I would like to point out that I used a few alliterations in this:
Continuous confusion counts down as time slips away
and
The battle was lost but the war was won
Hope you enjoy the song!
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
I did this exercise too, it's a hard one, and you weaved the phrases in really well,
and you found something that rhymed with grace under pressure, I just put it in the middle of the phrase.
I like the song structure, like the two ending lines of the chorus were dilligently diggable
I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!
So did it come out a lot better? is there still anything I need to change? What do you mean by dilligently diggable?
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
it's just rubbish I make up to replace annoyingly overused phrases like, "that was heavy," or "that kicks ass!"
I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!
What??? I was talking about my song.
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Just in case you were not aware, you can change or revise by clicking the edit key on the upper right of your message.
P.S. I thought your first one was much better than the second. It
was much more compact. This one is a bit wordy for my taste.
