Hey guys, I halvn't posted in quite a while but this assignment inspired me so I thought I'd share with the forums and hopefully get some feed back. Now I'd like to clarify that my song has nothing to do with signs, or rather it was inspired by them. There were three signs that inspired me: a stopsign, a jewelry company billboard, and A tombstone. The first Got me thinking of how many people get stuck in life, fall into a day to day routine, and lose sight of there hopes and dreams. The jewelry company billboard struck the idea of how important love is and having people who care about you, and the third was sadly not as happy. A few weeks ago my friends longtime Girlfriend passed away and I attended her funeral a few days ago. My friends heartbroken and is a utter wreck right now so I decided to write him a ballad. The tombstone reminded me of how you can love someone so much that they become a part of you and you can become so attached don't know how to live without them. When all those things came together this was my final results. Please feel free to give comments/suggestions as I really want to make this the best it can be before I give it to him.
Heaven Sent by Nico Filice
Shattered and broken but not afraid, our fate was chosen by the decisions we made. Cast in the shadows as we begin to walk astray when the truth is painful you just lock yourself away. now your adrift in ocean fighting for control as the longing inside you begins to take it's toll...
Now I'm Calling out to you, My memories of everything we went though and these scars will never fade, loves a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade. These battlegrounds remains of open war, pieces of a shattered heart begin to wash ashore and I If I fall right now, time well spent, the things meant and my intent, your heaven sent.
Lost in the pages of my empty mind, but the words become poison as the pages unwind. The cover is missing and pictures are torn, the binding is broken and writing is worn. tales of loss and love, dreams and reality as ambitions fade, fallen victim of mortality and I need the warmth of your long embrace to help restore my drive, The passion of your sweet lips to make me feel alive......
Now I'm Calling out to you, My memories of everything we went though and these scars will never fade, loves a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade. These battlegrounds remains of open war, pieces of a shattered heart begin to wash ashore and I If I fall right now, time well spent, the things meant we and my intent, your heaven sent.
instrumental
Now I'm Calling out to you, My memories of everything we went though and these scars will never fade, loves a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade.
Smitten by, I'm smitten by, I'm by smitten, I'm smitten by your Blade. YAH!
Now I'm Calling out to you, My memories of everything we went though and these scars will never fade, loves a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade. These battlegrounds remains of open war, pieces of a shattered heart begin to wash ashore and I If I fall right now, time well spent, the things meant and my intent, your heaven sent, your heaven sent, your HEAVENSENT.
Changes I would make I highlighted in red.
Heaven Sent by Nico Filice
Shattered and broken but not afraid,
our fate was chosen by the decisions we made.
Cast in the shadows as we begin to walk astray
when the truth is painful you just lock yourself away.
now you're adrift in ocean fighting for control
as the longing inside you begins to take it's toll... as the longing inside you began to take its toll . . .
Now I'm Calling out to you,
My memories of everything we went through
and these scars will never fade,
love's a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade.
This battleground remains of open war, (singular)
These battlegrounds remain of open war, (plural)
pieces of a shattered heart begin to wash ashore
and I If I fall right now, time well spent, and if I fall right now, time well spent,
the things meant and my intent,
you're heaven sent.
Lost in the pages of my empty mind,
but the words become poison as the pages unwind.
The cover is missing and pictures are torn,
the binding is broken and writing is worn.
tales of loss and love, dreams and reality
as ambitions fade, fallen victim of mortality
and I need the warmth of your long embrace
to help restore my drive,
The passion of your sweet lips to make me feel alive......
Now I'm Calling out to you,
My memories of everything we went through
and these scars will never fade,
love's a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade.
These battlegrounds remains of open war, These battlegrounds remain of open war,
pieces of a shattered heart begin to wash ashore
and I If I fall right now, time well spent, and if I fall right now, time well spent,
the things meant we and my intent,
you're heaven sent.
instrumental
Now I'm Calling out to you,
My memories of everything we went through
and these scars will never fade,
loves a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade.
Smitten by, I'm smitten by, I'm by smitten,
I'm smitten by your Blade. YAH!
Now I'm Calling out to you,
My memories of everything we went through
and these scars will never fade,
love's a fatal wound and I'm smitten by your blade.
These battlegrounds remain of open war,
pieces of a shattered heart begin to wash ashore
and I If I fall right now,
time well spent,
the things meant and my intent,
you're heaven sent,
you're heaven sent,
you're HEAVEN SENT.
Just wondering if
time well spent, the things meant and your intent,
were heaven sent
would be something you might change.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
While I appreciate the spell check, I'm more curious as to what you think of the lyrics. Also the tempo is very slow to the parts repeating doesn't work. Also I do like the idea of were heaven sent for the last chorus however being that the song is about reaching out to someone who loved who's passed away having you both be heaven sent would seem a little strange
Hi Nico
Nice Work! I notice that the corrections that Ken made are mostly
punctuation and grammar. Nothing is wrong with the body of the
song. I do think the first verse is slightly on the cliche side but
that can be forgiven when you come up with a phrase like
"smitten by your blade" Great stuff there.
Also take a look at the way Ken broke up the lines into a more
poetic format. Again nothing that takes away from your work
but makes it easier to read and get a sense of rhythm as you do.
Unless you intend it to be more a flow of consciousness piece
with the lines running together.
John
Hi Nico
Nice Work! I notice that the corrections that Ken made are mostly
punctuation and grammar. Nothing is wrong with the body of the
song. I do think the first verse is slightly on the cliche side but
that can be forgiven when you come up with a phrase like
"smitten by your blade" Great stuff there.
Also take a look at the way Ken broke up the lines into a more
poetic format. Again nothing that takes away from your work
but makes it easier to read and get a sense of rhythm as you do.
Unless you intend it to be more a flow of consciousness piece
with the lines running together.
John
Thanks, ya I ment to make it look poetic and spellcheck it but I was running out the door write before I posted it. Ya I really like the chorus and think my second verse turned out almost perfect how I agree the first verse is slightly cliche, any suggestions?
While I appreciate the spell check, I'm more curious as to what you think of the lyrics. Also the tempo is very slow to the parts repeating doesn't work. Also I do like the idea of were heaven sent for the last chorus however being that the song is about reaching out to someone who loved who's passed away having you both be heaven sent would seem a little strange
Ahhh, I get it.
So it was your time well spent, things meant, and your intent.
And then it suddenly turns back to her.
OK, kind of confusing but now I see it.
And as Celt said, the reformatting was more of a help for others who might want to offer suggestions.
No need for all of us to have to reformat it.
The spell check was something done while I was organizing it. (an extra bonus)
What do I think about it?
I think it's nice that you felt strongly enough about someone to write them a song.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
While I appreciate the spell check, I'm more curious as to what you think of the lyrics. Also the tempo is very slow to the parts repeating doesn't work. Also I do like the idea of were heaven sent for the last chorus however being that the song is about reaching out to someone who loved who's passed away having you both be heaven sent would seem a little strange
Ahhh, I get it.
So it was your time well spent, things meant, and your intent.
And then it suddenly turns back to her.
OK, kind of confusing but now I see it.
And as Celt said, the reformatting was more of a help for others who might want to offer suggestions.
No need for all of us to have to reformat it.
The spell check was something done while I was organizing it. (an extra bonus)
What do I think about it?
I think it's nice that you felt strongly enough about someone to write them a song.
KR2
Haha dodging a bullet there aye mate? so no comments on the lyrics then? O and It was saying that If I dead right now my life was well spend, There was some much we meant and I intended to spend my life you, your heaven sent.
I hate the lyrics but I love the music
" Stalking is a sign of desperateness, a psychological problem hence a disease."
