Week 42 - Long Lost Friend

Hi Pete (or "Re(incarnated)Pete" if you prefer :wink: )

There's a nice melancholy to this that takes hold right from the first stanza. I think it might make things stronger to stick with the concrete imagery that you use in the first part of the first verse in the second, so instead of:
Seasons fly by
The leaves, they fall
We never
Spoke again at all

I wonder
Do you think of me?
Now you face
Fading from my memory

You might try something like:
Seasons fly by
The leaves, they fall
We never
Spoke again at all

I wonder
Do you think of me?
While faces like photographs
Fade from memory

Granted, that's not very original, but I think that you want to have some tangible objects on which to hang your intangible melancholy.

The chorus is very strong, especially the "...we'll meet again, but not today..." part, which again adds to the general wistfulness of the song.

Any ideas as to music?

Looking forward to more.

Peace

Hi Pete,
welcome back, Im hearing a simple guitar in a minor key for this. I like it and I like the concept of time still slipping away even as you are singing the song. This bit:
We'll meet again
But not today
Tomorrow it won't feel as strange

Good work, I look forward to hearing it, "not today, Tomorrow it will sound just as good", just a little para-phrase, sorry I couldnt resist :D .

cheers

Paul

Ya those words made me think of music to go with them as I read them, Good job.

Hi Pete

This seems to come across as a regret filled piece which is backed up by some good imagery. As David says I think you need to maintain the use of imagery in there.

Otherwise good stuff - the bridge has me intrigued as to how that will play with the rest of the song. I'm interested to hear that.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:

Howdy, Pete!

As has been said, this is very good. Well structured, gets the point across.

I'll third the motion for more imagery. It's easy to OD on imagery for its own sake, but adding some pictures would realy spice this piece up.

Also, a few potential tweeks:
Will I ever call you my friend again?

Just dropping the "my" hear might sound more natural.
Tomorrow it won't feel as strange

This sounded ackward to me, as in, I don't think I'de ever say that. Maybe something like "Tomorrow is a better day", or "Try again another day". Neither of those are particulary good, but you get the idea.

Keep it up.