hey:)
wrote two songs but the second is too bad(mostly because it's so very long and there's no 1wish1verse thing) for posting(yet?) so here's my song for this week:
Three leaf clover
(Three leaf is not the new four leaf)
Rainbow miracles, starlit canopy
Wish to be able to see the beauty around me
Once more lost in a sunrise so pretty
The promises in which I believed
Wish to make people feel for me so they keep
All the things they vowed carelessly
Bitter, cold and lonely
Wish for the sensations to return here
Should've listened to Emily
She gave such great advice as this:
"Get in your possessions out there it's freezing
And know that souls, too, can freeze"
A three leaf clover was all I found
Thought I have three wishes so three leaves will do
This kind of clover is easy to encounter,
Even for one as unlucky as me
Wondered why no one else came up
With this clever idea
A three leaf clover was all I found
The wishes I made didn't feel bound
To fulfil, a four leaf clover still
Is the magical thing
okay...this doesn't follow the assignment very strictly either... :oops: sorry...one thing I'm completely unsure about: is it four leaf clover, four-leaf clover, four-leafed clover or what??
also the order of the verses/chorus(basically the last 3, starting with 'a three leaf', are the chorus...?!)...weird...does that make sense this way?
could do it this way to fit the assignment better but then I ahve to leave emily out...and I like that part...anyway:
Three leaf clover
(Three leaf is not the new four leaf)
Rainbow miracles, starlit canopy
Wish to be able to see the beauty around me
Once more lost in a sunrise so pretty
The promises in which I believed
Wish to make people feel for me so they keep
All the things they vowed carelessly
Bitter, cold and lonely
Wish for the sensations to return here
Thaw me like a frozen turkey(???)
With these wishes in mind I went wasting my time
Looking for a wishflower, a four leaf clover
A three leaf clover was all I found
Thought I have three wishes so three leaves will do
This kind of clover is easy to encounter,
Even for one as unlucky as me
Wondered why no one else came up
With this clever idea
A three leaf clover was all I found
The wishes I made didn't feel bound
To fulfil, a four leaf clover still
Is the magical thing
any better? help please :wink:
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Is it me or does everyone else get the feeling that the reason we write songs, is because we are a little lost or empty in some way.
Maybe its love or unfulfilled ambitions, but I think that creativity only ever comes from pain, seems to be a recurring thig...
Angel, nice concept, kind of like saying you can wish all you want, but some wishes are just unachievable, or at least thats what this piece says to me.
Structure wise, it totally lost me, but I get the sentiment.
Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time
hey blue,
i have to say that i like the second version better. the emily part may be your fav but i think the song is better without it. don't throw that idea in the trash, you might be able to use it in another song. it tightens up the song leaving it out.
great imagery as always. i like the idea of the three leaf clover. and i do have to agree with spadge on the feeling of sadness in the song and the subject wishing for things that she knows probably won't come true.
nice take on the assignment even if it doesn't fit the assignment exactly. this isn't school, no points are being taken off here.
-CheapThrill
Greetings Angel,
I don't know if it's you, or if it's me, but I'm beginning to follow your ideas a bit better in recent weeks. I'm going to assume it's you. I'll second CheapThrill's sentiments in that I like the second version better. The Emily line, didn't do much for me. Although, the "...souls too can freeze" line is terrific. (I know you like that word.) But it truly is.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
thank you Spadge, CheapThrill and Scratchmonkey :D
creativity only ever comes from painyeah I think this is mostly true...although there are also people who benefit more from happiness...with me it's pain, I think(but I'm not really in a position where I could complain, you know :wink: so just the daily little aches)
the sentiment you got from the song didn't cross my mind while writing...now I can see why you would feel like that but it was just that I'm a bit disappointed cause I've never ever found a four leaf clover :cry: ...and maybe that's why my wishes seldom come true(simply the more joy if something eventually fulfils)
cheapthrill and scratch you're right, I should leave 'emily...' out and that's what I do, but I'll definitely keep it in my 'fragments' file.
I'm glad you can follow my confused mind a bit better lately.it's not only you, vic said something like this, too. yes, I think it's me...don't know why...and don't know if it's a change for the better or the worse but it's ok as long as I can still manage to write some chaotic and obscure things now and then(I did yesterday :wink: ).
thanks again.
bluenightangel
scratch......... I do like that word :D
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Angel,
Poor Emily she had to go away. :cry:
The second version really does work better.
I think the Emily part is good writing it just doesn't work with this song.
Maybe she can come back later?
Celt
Maybe you could just name it Emily.
Kind of cool that the title does not show up in the song at all.
TheJackal.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=283413
Only dead fish go with the flow.
HI :D The concept is real cool, i liked the imagery a lot- I liked jackals idea to call the song Emily :D . my favorite line was "three wishes so three leaves will do" 8) -smokindog
yeah it's sad, Emily had to go..but she'll come back!*promise*
Jackal, I also like your idea of naming it 'emily'... pretty cool...might just do that...don't know it yet but it's a really good idea(thanks!)
thank you smokindog:)
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
It's four-leaf clover I think........though four-leafed is acceptable, just doesn't look as nice to most eyes.......
Reads nicely, it's very short compared to your usual songs....brevity was last week's thing!......but again, like last week, it's very user friendly.....easy to get into......
I'm not sure who Emily is though.....a Bronte sister? The one Pink Floyd wrote about?.....if I knew who she was maybe that'd clear things up a little........
With that small reservation, I'd keep Emily in and go against everyone else....
As usual, your combination of poetic images/darker images.......point/counterpoint .......works for me........
Be a bugger to set to music though!!!
Nice stuff!!!
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
:D Emily is no one in particular.. you would keep it? ...ah, I dunno...you got me thinking about it again...
it's very short compared to your usual songs....brevity was last week's thing!......then you'll be happy to check out my two songs I'm going to post today...;))
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Bluenightangel (again)
I'm going with the majority I really prefer the second version. Much tighter writing and it flows well.
Three songs this week - unbelievable - good stuff
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
thanks, I'm flattered :D
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
