Week 8 Another Christmas w/MP3

Looking pretty good so far. Just a couple of weird mental images I got .....

"And the kids are all run down," - bad mental image #1 - I'm thinking roadkill. Yeuch. I know what you MEANT, but it's the way you phrased it....that, or it could be down to the fact I've already read one (Just After Sunset) of the new Stephen King books I got for Xmas, and I've started the (Duma Key) other.... maybe "And the kids have all wound down" - they've exhausted themselves playing so hard, and they're now as worn out as the batteries in the new toys?

" We'll toast to Christmas come and gone
And those that might have been." - sounds a bit rueful, regretful almost, where the rest of the song's so cheerful (apart from the previously mentioned roadkill...)

"To dream the dreams of righteous men"....sounds almost like you're going to war, or plotting revolution....that's the righteous men phrase, always makes me think of men marching off to some "glorious" cause....

On the other hand, there's a lot of lovely, evocative phrases...."Grandma held all the new babies" - yep, that ALWAYS happens! "And the cats are hiding neath the tree, playing with ornaments" - yep, I can see that, too. Nice, and a different slant on things....attention to detail's good.

The whole last verse gives me the image of the couple falling into bed, exhausted, after having had the entire family round - which is pretty much how I feel about now!

:D :D :D

Vic

Cats don't "play" with ornaments, they "bat" them around! :wink:

Vic makes some good points, Kathy. A little tweaking and you've got another great effort here. Love the easy way you put together images that are both poignant and funny. The whole start of the second verse is a great example, but I wonder if it's not better to put the laugh first in this case:

Our credit cards are melting down
From the Christmas shopping spree
And of course the kids think Santa
Brings them all the gifts for free
Look at all the beaming faces
On the children with their toys
It seems to me they must have all been
Very good girls and boys

This will also separate some of your "Christmases" coming up in the second half:

And later on that evening
When our energy's all been spent
And the cats are hiding neath the tree
Batting the ornaments
We'll climb up on the stairway
And fall into our bed
To dream the dreams of love and home
And Christmases ahead.

Just a thought. Love the idea of the jig - definitely should work well. Are you going to break out the mandolin?

Peace

Hi Kathy

I like it and hope I hear you sing it.

Here's another approach to the ending:

It's time to climb the stairs now
And fall into our bed
We'll have sweet dreams of this year's end
And of the new year ahead

David, sometimes you are just scary. switching up the second verse makes all the difference.
And of course cats bat at the ornaments, but once they knock them down, they, well I guess they still bat at them! That word was actually in the first draft, don't know where it went in the second.

Vic, there is a bit of wistful regret meant in the chorus, as I was thinking of all the years my hubby and I didn't spend together when we were married to other people. Since we hooked up well into middle age, we once in a while wonder what a child of ours would have been like; After a little time thinking about that we decided it would probably have been a spawn of satan! :twisted:
We spent the day with my brother and his 4 children who have 7 kids of their own between them, 2 of them under a year old, so Great Grandma( to bulky to fit into the song) got to spend time with the newest family members.

Mandolin.... OK, let me go find those chord charts, or maybe I can get Rich to come over.......!

Here's the song link:
Song page: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7183805

Hi Kathy,

I like the chorus a lot and enjoyed the listen. :D

Thanks for sharing.

-James

Vic, there is a bit of wistful regret meant in the chorus, as I was thinking of all the years my hubby and I didn't spend together when we were married to other people.

Yeah, I got that from one of your other songs....the one momma wouldn't have liked! Main thing is, you're together now, and happy - and may you and John stay that way forever! (OK, I've had a few, let the new year in etc, full of beer and bonhomie - but I do wish you both all the best.)

Kathy, Kathy, Kathy - sigh....I've said it before, but there just ain't no justice in the world today. I listen to the crap that's in the charts, and on the radio, and then hear something like this....WHY aren't you famous? And rich? You've got the voice, the talent, the - everything. And people like Britney Spears have millions in the bank....????

Sigh.....there just ain't no justice.

Excellent - really enjoyed it. Will listen many more times, you can bet on that. I just wish the rest of the world would - it'd be great to see some real talent in the charts, for once.

Hey, I appreciate your MUSIC - and I know there are many others here who do, as well. Music played by talented musicians - that's what it's all about. I'm drunk and rambling, but not sad-drunk - I know good music when I hear it. And I just heard some. Hope to hear lots more in the future!

Have a great 2009 - you had a pretty good 2008, may this year be even better for you!

:D :D :D

Vic (Chairman of the "Justice for Kath!" campaign....)

and just as a little footnote, why not put a link to your Soundclick site in the "hear here" forum? Don't keep it to the SSG, your songs deserve a - MUCH - wider audience. I'd be willing to bet you'd get some great feedback.....