week37 "dodge paying the fare"

Hi Bluenightangel

I think working the tram was inspired! Got the Mojo the dog part okay. The only thing that strikes me a s a bit awkward is the "strange his gown" line for James. That just may come from me being on this side of the Atlantic, but maybe not... It's not that I don't understand it, but rather it seems a mouthful to sing! Maybe "glittering gown," if for no other reason that it makes a good alliteration and also plays off of "sitting down?"

Peace

It certainly does it for me. There are a couple of lines in the first verse which are a bit long, but I think you've got a winner there. I would deliver the lines staccato.

Best,

A :-)

Yeah I really love this - anything a bit off-base I tend to take notice of, this caught my eye.....!!!

A bit different - can't quite work out thr rhythm ( tried a few!!!!)

And such a novel thought for a meeting-place!!!!

Nice one Angel...........!!!!!!

*smile* thank you guys :lol: (I looove getting replies)

dhodge, if you are pointing out that "strange his gown" is simply too long, then I could reduce it to "strange gown", wouldn't that be okay? it's just that James is wearing unfamiliar clothes (unfamiliar to the average mind), may be even a dress, may be not...

well, but then again there are certainly other lines in this piece which are a bit long...as alan said, for example in the first verse
tried to change it:

It's 5 o' clock, sun's just up
Rodger drives, never arrives
Stopps here and there, dear passengers, all aboard!
as the vehicle fills, he becomes invisible
A back without a name

the part beginning with "dear..", ending with "aboard!" could be like a call, rodger calling :wink:
is not really that much shorter, anywayz;)
I would deliver the lines staccato wanna sing it, alan? or anyone else?volonteers wanted:)
can't quite work out thr rhythm ( tried a few!!!!)
thank you very much vic for even bothering to try! the problem is that I should have the music first so I can fit the words(and the length of the lines) into the rhythm...but I could work on some of the lines afterwards to match a rhythm(have none...haha)
hold on---yay, I got something that could work(tried a rhythm which came to my mind yesterday while reading Mr. Hodge's "alternate writing styles"...something that would match his lullaby, too...), so I have a rhythm now.but which chords?I noticed that the few songs I have(speaking of the ones for which I have chords+melodies)are all consisting of similiar chords, G A E F C...that's boring. but that are the ones I know by heart;) got a chord book, but...
any suggestions regarding the chords which I could use for this one?
(the last line of the verse should be ending in a deeper chord)
the rhythm is like strumming down, down+quickly up, short break, down(this last down is already in another chord)

confusing, sorry :wink:

well, thank you all very much! made me happy:)
I'd be glad if you would come up with any ideas for the chords, please :D
bluenightangel

P.S.:I could record the basic rhythm+send it to you, if you want...just so that you know what I mean...

I was messing about with some chords that seemed to fit .........

A/Asus4/A7sus4 then I added a 6th - 2nd fret,1st string and realised I didn't have a clue what I was playing or how to label it........

E A D G B E
x 0 2 0 3 2

so had to go to Theory forum and ask!

Thanks to Nick for the quick reply - he reckons it's an Em9(without playing the open A string) or Em9/A with the open A string.....

So for the first four lines,

(Intro - A/Asus4/A/Asus4)

(Asus4)It's (A)five o (Asus4)clock, (A7sus4)suns just (Em9)up,
(A)Roger (Asus4)drives, (A7sus4)never arr(Em9)ives,
(A)Stops here and (Asus4)there, dear (A7sus4)passengers,(Em9)all aboard! (Then hold that Em9 chord for a couple of seconds).......
As the (A)vehicle (Asus4)fills he be(A7sus4)comes in(Em9)visible

Then for the last line,

A (Gm7)back with(F#m)out a (E)name...............

wish I'd saved this for one of my own songs now!!!!

will work on the little 3-line bridges later..........

Hope you don't mind me messing about with your song......

:)

OK - since I was on earlier this afternoon the Em9 has now been re-labelled a D11.......thanks Noteboat for taking the time and trouble to explain why.......

Having to babysit a couple of grandkids and cook a meal aren't the best circumstances to play about with a song - but they've gone now.

So, for the short 3-liners ....choruses, bridges, whatever......

(A)Dodge paying the (Dmaj7)fare,
(A)Spying on each others (Dmaj7)lives,
(A)(Dmaj7)Do not inter(E)fere(Eadd9)(E)(Eadd9)(E)

you could use this for the end part - 6 lines, break it down into 2 sets of 3 lines each........

Anyway these are the chords:

---A-Asus4-A7sus4-D11-Dmaj7-E-Eadd9-Gm7-F#m
E--0----0-------0-----2------2----0----2-----3------2
B--2----3-------3-----3------2----0----0-----3------2
G--2----2-------0-----0------2----1----1-----3------2
D--2----2-------2-----2------0----2----2-----3------4
A--0----0-------0-----0------0----2----2-----5------4
E--0----0-------x-----x------x----0----0-----3------2

Hope you like it - you can see that what at first glance seem to be complicated chords are actually quite easy changes........

It's a good song and it was fun working on it.....

:) :) :)

hi vic:)

thank you so much. I wrote you a mail;)
nope I don't mind you 'messing around'. I asked you for it :D

I'm really sorry your efforts are kinda wasted on me...I can't use it:(
I'm explaining this further in the mail, please don't be angry.

good news: my rhythm works with the whole song though I have no chords yet and just play those who strike my fancy, coincidently;) (and those are the overused A C D G E and so on chords)

best,
bluenightangel