This is my first "Jump".
I'm more comfortable with the music side more than the lyrics...don't be to tough on me.
After reading wk 24 ...this is what came out.
Jump? Bail? or Knuckle?
E. Gibbs aka Ksblu
Chorus
Jump? Bail? or Knucle?,
Are the crucial Three.
Decisions we make,
Attempting to be free.
Not choosing correctly,
Will cause stress and pain.
If your math skills are low,
Your bank account will drain.
Verses
Jumping's the best
For making feelings soar.
Braving new knowlege,
To open a new door.
Know whats worth jumping for
and don't hop or skip.
Leap only when needed,
and try not to trip.
Bailing's an artform
Essiencial for light.
Knowing when to leave
Can truely save your life.
To live life free
Of guilt and remorse.
learn to say no firmly
get up and go.
Knuckling's the hardest
Takes practice to be fair.
To respect and be humble
Not walk over others to get there.
Some believe in only
What they hold in their hand
The only thing you take with you
is your compassion for man.
If I don't remember it....It didn't happen
Hi Ksblu,
mate you were quick off the mark, welcome to this forum. I like what you have written here but Im having a little trouble getting a feel for the song, often happens to me when I havent heard it. What I think could really improve this song is a bridge in there that makes a comment on, or draws a conclusion to; the Bail, Jump, Knuckle dilema, something to pull those three verses together. Look forward to seeing more of you here
cheers
Paul
Jump? Bail? or Knuckle?
E. Gibbs aka Ksblu
Welcome Ksblu. I like the thought behind your song a lot. I'd maybe simplify the title to "Jump, Bail, Knuckle," leaving out the ?'s and the "or." Some other suggestions below. Keep up the good work.
Joe
Chorus
Jump. Bail. Knuckle.
The crucial Three.
Decisions we make,
Trying to be free.
Not choosing correctly,
Can cause stress and pain.
If your math skills are low,
Your bank account will drain.
Last two lines sound a bit forced and I think compromise the integrity of the rest of the song. How about something more like:
Trying to learn from our mistakes
And not repeat them again
Verses
Jumping's the best
To make feelings soar.
Braving new knowlege,
Open one more door. (excellent thought)
Know whats worth jumping for
and don't hop or skip.
Leap only when needed,
and try not to trip.
Bailing's an artform
Essiencial for light.
Knowing when to leave
Can save your life.
To live life free
Of guilt and remorse.
learn to say no firmly
And don't keep score.
Knuckling's the hardest
Takes practice to be fair.
To respect and be humble
Not walk over others to get there.
Some believe in only
What they hold in their hand
The only thing you take with you
is your compassion for man.
