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Wk 29 Year 4 ( Time )

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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
Topic starter  

Hello songwritters / singers / players ..( all things I can't do )

I have written this about my eldest daughter ( 23 ) the title is more about time lost , time spent , time gone by ... Maybe it's not the best title as isn't mentioned like a title should be in a song .

I have slow picking in mind around the Am / D / maybe D7 progression

A sort of Gordon Light foot number ( where are the oldies now ? :lol: )

TIME

Many years ago I held you in my arms
A little girl , I felt so proud
Tiny little girl , your mum was crying
We were so proud we were almost flying

But that was many years ago
And many tears ago
You keep telling us to let you go
This is the only time I will say no

It doesn't matter how old you are
It doesn't matter where you go
Your still my baby girl
My little baby girl

Your a mum now a little one of your own now
I still can't let you go your my little one you know
Your little boy , is such a joy , he reminds me of you
Memories flooding back of you , decisions I'll never rue

But that was many years ago
And many tears ago
You keep telling us to let you go
This is the only time I will say no

It doesn't matter how old you are
It doesn't matter where you go
Your still my baby girl
My little baby girl

---------------------

All feed back greatly appreciated

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
Topic starter  

Quick yes ask my missus how quick I can be :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Yeah I see what you mean but I had a tune in my head that what I had suited ,

But thanks mate , I 'll see which suits better when everyone goes out and I can crank up the old music box :lol: :lol:

Thanks Pete

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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Bennett
(@bennett)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 297
 

Hi Hilch

That was QUICK! You are a songwriting machine :D
I'll second that! :shock:

I agree with Pete's suggestion. Also the only bit I can comment on is:
Many years ago I held you in my arms
A little girl , I felt so proud
Tiny little girl , your mum was crying
We were so proud we were almost flying
I'm just not sure on repeating the word "proud". Something that fits in with "flying" might be better. Perhaps something like: "Our spirits were so high, we were almost flying"?

Other than that I really like it. Has a great feel to it. 8)

From little things big things grow - Paul Kelly


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Gidday Hilch me old mate,
I like this, and I agree with all of the above. I really like this chorus, I thinks its very tight, excellent.
It doesn't matter how old you are
It doesn't matter where you go
Your still my baby girl
My little baby girl

My only extra suggestion is just a little tweak here, by losing the “ago” word
But that was many years
And many tears ago
You keep telling us to let you go
This is the only time I will say no

definitely a nice picked number I think, well done

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
Topic starter  

Thanks for the feed back everyone ,

Working my way back up to the song ..

Pbee _ nice idea of losing " ago" in that line I read your comment a few times then the fog lifted and lights shone through and I got your meaning eventually .. Thanks ...

Bennett _ I actually have high written down in front of me and thought no that sounds like we were high as kites on drugs or something , might just haveto revise my thinking a bit I think .

And to just to clarify one thing on my quickness I have been writting this song for ages , ( I cheated ) .. I am actually waiting for my 2 little girls aged 23 and 19 to leave home as this will happen this year in December / January next year ..

I think mum will be very sad and I will miss them heaps , but I won't be letting go ...

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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Bennett
(@bennett)
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Posts: 297
 

Bennett _ I actually have high written down in front of me and thought no that sounds like we were high as kites on drugs or something , might just haveto revise my thinking a bit I think .
Yep, that's what I was thinking initially but then thought of using "spirits" in there to clarify ... or though that could sound like an alcohol reference. :oops: :P

It's gonna be a tough one to revise. Good luck. 8)

From little things big things grow - Paul Kelly


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Machine alright ....

2 songs settle down

I like this along with Pbee's idea

I like Bennetts idea as well

good stuff mate

keep posting

L.K

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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Bob
 Bob
(@bob)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi Hilch

Seems you need to make a spare bed up for the muse - when it flows it's great

I really like this piece the tweaking that's gone on has really improved it.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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