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wk 36 The Matinee

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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 281
Topic starter  

I haven't learnt all my lines
I'm not quite like you I cant improvise
So they watch as you hurt me, cold-hearted and dirty
Just another person you'll play tonight
Everyone else knows what exactly is going on
‘She's behind you' but I don't know where the screams came from
And the tragedy is I don't want her gone

Violins, strike me up a sad tune
The orchestra only seems to play for you
The spotlight, it magnifies my tears
And slapped on my face, visible is my fear

So that's the matinee through
Backstage and I'm still following you
Through old costumes and dressing rooms
My rosy cheeks are suddenly turning blue
The audience waits for my next demise
They can see it coming, wish I could see it through their eyes
And the sad thing is I can see right through her lies

Violins, strike me up a sad tune
The orchestra only seems to play for you
The spotlight, it magnifies my tears
And slapped on my face, visible is my fear

Feel sorry for me, pity my pain
Sympathy runs out
And everyone leaves
Till its just me on a stage
No light on my face
Just blood on the floor
And someone to replace…..
You


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hi G.G

I liked this very much would you consider using this as a outro as well ?

Violins, strike me up a sad tune
The orchestra only seems to play for you
The spotlight, it magnifies my tears
And slapped on my face, visible is my fear

I think it is just wonderful and would be a nice way to end your song

just my old opinion :wink:

cheers

L.K :arrow:

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey GG, good work.

My main beef is a matter of semantics; in the chours you have:
The spotlight, it magnifies my tears

Technically, spotlights don't magnify anything. They shine on, shine through, shine off of, they show, they expose... they do a lot of things, just not magnification.

Also the last line in the verse:
visible is my fear

Stretching for a rhyme? Maybe something more visceral like:
Slap my face, wipe the blood off, smell my fear

Probably the only reason I noticed either of these is that the first half of the chorus is so strong and evokative.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

wow. beautiful poetry, very thought-evoking to me:)
especially like the violin parts and the last line of each verse, can visualize you roaming an ancient theatre...

congrats!

very well done
cheers,
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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