alright here comes me say wat u think
V
oh he screwed the world 4 me
took my eyes so i cant see
and then he drove away
and she what she did you wont belive
it broke my heart and caused such greif
and then she drove away
C
and deep in my heart somehow i know
things will never be the same
V
and they took my brand new car
drove it down the boulevard
left me standing in the shade
and the sky is grey just like my shoes
ive got reason to sing the blues
but i have not learned the scales
C
and deep in my heart somehow i know
things will never be the same
B
oh i dont want to sing no more
im afraid i might cry
this song i far to deep
though i know its just a lie
V
but they said please do not call police
until weve headed east
or we'll end up in jail
so i said nothing about it
did not lip or scream or mouth it
and things have never been the same
hmm i'm not feeling this one mate im afraid! Its a little bit repeptitive and didnt make me want to read on. it felt a little rushed too
ive got reason to sing the blues
but i have not learned the scalesthat's a cool line!
BUT...
and deep in my heart somehow i know
things will never be the samedoesn't do it for me as a chorus. I think maybe it's just the kind of thing that's been said too often in songs. Admitedly the 2-line chorus restriction isn't making that easy! I haven't had any good ideas of what do with it, but if I do, I'll get back to you.
No probs with the verses. You might want to go back over the chorus and maybe bridge though - the bridge felt tacked onto the rest of the song, but in some ways that's exactly what bridges are! How about just keeping this bit:oh i dont want to sing no more
im afraid i might cry And back to the next verse? Your call, of course.
Give this a stronger chorus, and I think it would be really good. As it is, it's not bad by any means!
G
Listen Louder Than You Play
I had a really hard time following the song, but there a few lines in the verses that as GJ said mesh well.
I for one would suggest a revision of the chorus - although I'm sorry I can't think of anything at the moment that fits the context of this particular song.
Keep up the writing!
yeah i found the 2 line chorus really hard to work with as well, not a lot of songs can get away with having a successful 2 line chorus, i never thought it would be hard!
