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Y3W12 - Arthur

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(@mr-d)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 22
Topic starter  

Since this week's format only place constraints on the structure of the song, I decided to attempt my first song with a strong message of this type. It may very well suck, so tell me what you think it's about :)

It's a slow rocker with the verses sung over just a bass line, think Government Mule's Thorazine Shuffle or Don't Step On the Grass Sam (and if you don't know these songs, check 'em out). Hope that helps you cop the vibe.

Arthur

Arthur is an honest man
Tries to do all he can
For his wife, three kids and black lab named Sam
Food for them to eat
Beds so they can sleep
Swimming pool, 2 cars, and a big screen

Arthur leaves work at 5
Dying on the inside
Reminds himself his job is gonna give his kids a free ride
The fruits of his labour
Let man make war on his neighbour
All behind the mask of a righteous saviour

By the time Arthur gets home
How many more are gone?

He turns on the TV
An ugly scene
His handiwork is all over the screen
Drink becomes his best friend
He'll do it all again
Reminds himself it's all for the children
____________________________

Thanks for reading,
Dillon

I use heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk.
—SRV


   
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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 281
 

i like the concept of it, i think its a great idea and the lyrics are good but i think it needs some rearranging because the flow isnt quite there. The first 3 lines flow brilliantly in my mind but then it kind of goes off. But i do like it, i think it just needs a bit more time! hope that helps!


   
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(@gjbrake)
Reputable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 235
 

Mr. D,

I agree - I like it. One of my pet hates is those 'strong message' type songs that are all 'you should all live your lives this way'.

This song however, manages not to lecture at you because you have used this fellow Arthur as an example, rather than just making a list of assertions about what's wrong with the world. Well done!

The flow is a little rough in places, but it may be fine when put to music.
By the time Arthur gets home
How many more are gone? Simple, but very powerful.

Good writing!
G

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
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(@sozay)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 173
 

hey mr d,

this is a good song, and an interesting story you tell. as the others have said a little bit of spit and polish to the strucutre of the later verses, and your good to go.

look forward to reading more of your stuff.
sozay

currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!


   
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