V1.
Dearest friend, I'll write you a letter
Still I'm afraid it can't more than
the latest weather
You're a little too difficult for me
Still, I try desparately to make peace.
Chorus:
So sleep tonight,
Don't hurt yourself.
Cry Tonight,
But realize there is nothing else
Left for us,
Left for us.
V2.
Dearest friend, I know I was cruel
Still I don't know if I can
Play the fool
You make me out to be and
Give you your self pity
Chorus
Bridge:
You said you would free my mind
But the mind that needs freeing
Is not mine
V3.
The weather has been cold today
And I woke up worrying about what to say
Next time I see you, and
Hoping we could find some way to
Make like life is real, darling
Chorus
-------------
It's the first thing I've written in a while that sort of rhymed...no music just yet, I still have to think about that. What do you think?
Boheme
well, yes, I do like cake...
Hmmmm.......everyone seems to be writing sad ballads this week....and songs about the weather.....where I am it's blowing a gale and absolutely throwing it down.....
This is really nice, Bohemian....very sad, but very touching....there's a couple of places where I thought the meter was a bit off, but then again it's always difficult to get inside someone else's mind and hear what they hear...doubtless it flows smoothly to you....
actually it was the second verse that I had trouble with, but I've just gone through it again and guess what....I can make it fit!
Anyway, like I said, a lovely sad song....definitely tugs at the heartstrings!!!
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thank you very much.
The meter is rather odd, but somehow I'm finding ways to make it work. My problem is in the first verse, the second line...it's a bit off, yet, for some reason...I'm not sure what it is.
This was sort of a "fly by the seat of your pants" thing...
Thanks for the Comment!
-Boheme
well, yes, I do like cake...
Hey!
I'll second that - good stuff. Someone sitting midway between sadness and anger - leaves us with a touch of both and not too much of either.
The bridge in particular is good!
The meter is odd at times, but by no means impossible - it might well smooth out with some music anyhow. Any music for this yet?
G
Listen Louder Than You Play
Hey Boheme,
Good job on this assignment. This would fit a blues pattern very well, I think. Nothing really jumps out at me as to how it could be improved. Well done.
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Thanks a bunch! As far as music, I really need to sit down after finals are over this week (stressful times) and work up an arrangement. I don't have a mic, but I am going to see if I can use a friend's computer to post the sound...
Thanks for the comments,
boheme
well, yes, I do like cake...
not much more to add here i'll just join the " Club " and say it's really nice and I enjoyed reading it .
funnny how Vic says it's throwing it down and your song talks about it being cold , I live in Tropics of Queensland , Australia and it's been really , really hot and humid , it never gets really cold here .
cheers
L.K
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Woah, it must be grrrreeat to live in Australia. Michigan might as well be the Tundra. So much snow this month, and it's always too cold to move during the winter. The weather somehow put me in the mood to write this, along with a few conversations that just sort of made the first verse jump from my mouth...
Warm weather sounds like paradise right now! Too bad I have to wait till June.
well, yes, I do like cake...
