Y3week38 propose divorce

its very interesting... it seems like you put a lot of effort into it... theres not as much rhyme as mine but the imagery is definetly strong... keep up the good work

Hey Blue,

I love these lines
It's just that I need to be close, just marrying your thoughts
So I can finally propose divorce
From a depressive thought
That's been stalking me for a couple of years now or maybe more

I think youve worked the assignment very well this week. But the idea of being stalked by thought, and then divorcing yourself from it is a great take on the theme. Well done :D .

pb

Didn't find an easy rhythm, would love to hear it with music. Had to read it a few times, but each time I found it more interesting. Some really nice lines, and a fresh take on the the "theme" for the week.

Joe

As always, nice work, Blue. You certainly know how to get a differnt angle on every topic. I like the way you switch between scenes effortlessly, though they all tie together. I also love the way it captures the emotion of the singer (the "I" in the song) without focusing on how the singer is feeling at all... so much better than the "I can't go on"'s on the "I'm broken up insides"'s that the many of us (professionals included) fall back on from time to time.

Hi bluenightangel :wink:

I read this about 10 times before deciding to post the following

Rummaging through your old poetry
I nark your past heart
Please put meaning to the words I read
The picture I get is still not quite clear, it's only static ( A)
Nevertheless I sense soreness here

And I am not the fifth column, my dear
So nothing will be used against you
Quit asking "then what's all this for?"
It's just that you're always close,
, just around the corner of a thought (B)
Any thought could lead to you
It's just that I need to be close,
just marrying your thoughts (c)
So I can finally propose divorce
From a depressive thought
That's been stalking me for a couple of years now or maybe more

In bold with letters in brackets (a) I would leave out it just seems to me to over explain ( hope you understand what I am saying ) :shock:

As for my B & C I think it flows a bit better with the lines shortned

but once again your imagery is just lovely and the feeling of your lyrics seem soo personal and touching . :wink:

" hope you like it "

Yeah did very much so

Everry song you post you come out with such a lovely line and this time you have not failed the following is just great .

I bug your mothballed heart :D

just my opinion

Cheers

L.K :arrow:

:D thank you for all the replies............
joe..
would love to hear it with music
me, too :wink: I'll see what I can do/if I can come up with anything......

lotto king..
thx for thinking about it that much&even bothering to post suggestions.
(A) was supposed to point out that the picture is not clear like that of a tv screen when the antenna sucks and it furthermore keeps up the loose pattern of the song(and 'static' kinda rhymes with 'get is'). is it really overexplanatory(if that word exists at all)?
(B) and (C) you just rearranged the lines and didn't change the words, did you? just a matter of arranging the lines on paper... so no problem for me, if it works better for you this way......;)
seem soo personal well that might be because this is personal... :lol:
glad you liked that line

oh and I'm glad you all liked the song!
thx for commenting
cheers,
bluenightangel

It's just that you're always close, just around the corner of a thought
Any thought could lead to you

haven't we all been there? Nice work.

yeah B A

I just moved words down the page hope you didn't mind

I understand what you were saying about the picture and just thought it was over stating it a bit , but that just might be me .

Once again well written what I meant by so personal was the lyrics seem to come from one who has gone through this , and they do touch the reader . Which is what all good song writters achieve and this is no exception :wink:

cheer

L.K :arrow: