Y3week6 "End all this"

hi bluenightangel

sorry but I got very confused with this , first verse two people challenging each other then it's mostly you ,you you with the ocasional me thrown in there .

The flow is pretty good though but this piece just don't work for me .

cheers

( might just be me though )

hey.

may it help if I explain it a bit?
as I already said the talking bit really happened, so this girl argues with the boy and he only answers 'yes'...then all of the sudden they hug and kiss and this I cannot explain as I dunno why they did it, but they did it. maybe it was like an old joke of theirs, whatever.
I took this and looked at it as if they both suddenly realize how stupid they behave and that they really do love each other... kiss, hug--> ends the argument and then the observer(bystander) begins to talk: that all this was 'method acting' and look, how they stand there now, all entwined and you can see the love of the one destroys the other one(and the other way around)- now you can choose why: either because it's so strong(cheesy) or because everything is over one day, they'll split up anyway and usually it hurts.
the latter is the way the observer thinks about it and he gets cynical and pissed: degrades love and the things one says about it(eyes like open doors, doors to the soul)
then he remembers his (ex)girlfriend who used to be so jealous without reasons(like that girl from the beginning) and she tried to overcome her jealousy and reached out for their love(the gold), hoping to be able to fix it. and he is like, yes she makes an effort but even if she made it and would be lying next to me now(everything was alright again) she'd still not be happy, it would still hurt her watching me love her and then not love her or being nice and then being deppressive and unfair(going with, skipping beats) ---an unstable person :wink: but I guess I'm like this, too

although that all sounds quite dramatic now he (as everyone) longs for love and wants her to end all this stupid misery- wants her to return and hug and kiss her(as the boy and girl did he watched).

long-winded explanation;) hope it helped(at least it helped me to understand my own song better myself, though I hate to limit the options- e.g. is the observer male or female etc.)
go well
bluenightangel

but one thing is othering me. when you say

"His heartbeat sprawls on her
Her heartbeat consumes him
Ruins everything"

Ruins everything? I'm thinking that it means ruining the argument, but i'm not quite sure if it could ruin the moment, their love, or what?

Other than that i loved the song. great stuff.

Hey BNA!

No offense, but this week seems to be a bit more of a reach for you than usual, if you know what I mean. Am I right?

Firstly, I agree with pierson, I wasn't sure about the ruins everything line. Maybe just drop it entirely? The two lines before say what you mean.

Like:
His heartbeat sprawls on her
Her heartbeat consumes him
Forget all you were told
Eyes are not doors to any soul
Love is not wisdom of old

???

The only other thing was that for me, I didn't get the impression that he wanted her back. More that he wanted to be able to move on. You could either change something to indicate more strongly that he wants to hug/kiss her again, or just change the last line to something like 'I need to find a way to end all this.' (that's crap, but you get the idea).

Otherwise - very good.But if you'd still be lying next to me
You'd be ravaged by the melody
Of my heart going with
And then skipping beatsThat bit is superb.

G

hi guys:)

'ruins everything' wasn't in the song until I sang it aloud first time(no real melody just trying some stuff) and it fit so well(musically).
it could mean ruining the argument, it could also mean ruining their lives- as a bad omen=> it'll hurt one day because their love is mortal... whatever you want.
as it doesn't really have a specific meaning for me I could as well drop it entirely. no problem:)

as for the last line and him wanting her back... I thought it'd be possible to figure out because there are three times 'end all this' appears:
-the title, showing its importance
-first verse, as the end of argument and (re)beginning of love
-last line, picking up the meaning from the first verse

well, actually it should be easier to figure out hearing it sung but if you still get the impression it's about him wanting to be able to move on, hey that's alright, too.
I'd rather leave that open. listener's choice:)

and you were right, it was a bit more of a reach for me this week..... normally I don't overhear much(in school I'm too tired or listening to my music during the breaks, on my way home I'm listening to music and I didn't have the chance to do more than that this week, wasn't in any café, haven't been out ........ had nothing to work with except this bit of talking Tina told me)

thank you both for commenting, appreciate it a lot :D
bluenightangel

I wouldnt drop the line 'ruins everything'. It fits well and i like the fact of having the listener decide. I just wanted to know if you had a specific meaning for it.

Do with it any way you want. The best thing about song writing is that it belongs to you and no one can take it away. It's what makes it an art.

hmmm...bit of a late post but i can never keep up lol... i just scrolled down n seen this...
I gotta go against the Majority here and say that i liked the peice. I think i could feel where it was coming from. I could see where people might get confused but i think the song has a lot of potential... especially if you could make up 4 the confusing side with a very strong structured musical backing. I feel the story may be a bit confusing to some people as songs always seem confusing if they are based on a huge in depth story...but at the end of the day its all about interpretation and i think you can find many hidden meanings in this peice....
well done..

+

hey, better late than never :wink:

thank you very much for those kind words :D
finding music's gonna be a problem as it always is with me. fooled around with it yesterday.. ended up differently from what I wanted it to be.. will take some time to get this done, if ever;)

oh and pierson, you're right, I didn't drop it:)

cheers
bluenightangel

no prob, yeah i think that youll get somewhere if u just go for it n throw many ideas at the "canvas" (or so to speak).... think its just one of those songs ud have to go to all different styles etc that you prob would never go near....n u might just spark somet off.....

cheers....