hey ya.. this is a late and incomplete attempt.. :wink:
Words that are real
Alone in a foreign flat
With songs before scratch
And the weekend ahead
TGIF seems out of place,
So yesterday
Like that need for headlines
That love for acronyms far from refined
Why, they don't even sound nice
LOL, OMG, CUS – bullshit
They give us props and scripts
But I guess we'd better come off it
Secure behind a letter wall
I wonder should I cast that stone
Acronyms and lack of time
Or things to say
A formula to indifference/A formula to keep the distance
Naked behind a closed window
That's five days dirty
I feel see-through
But really
Am shallow
Lines and curves and dots
Yes, I'm lost for words
And they say this open space
Frees us of ourselves
And though I love the idea of a wilderness
I have found comfort in your shyness
Words are real out of your mouth
Take your time, spell them out
Like William did in “Happy heartsâ€
The cotton sky gives in to night
But I
I'll stay up for you, pretty boy
so... well.. green parts are the ones i think i might better leave out altogether
red one is an alternative line
the letter wall bit needs more lines... i guess.... ...or needs to be left out, too?
but i quite like it..
william is actually will sheff, the singer of okkervil river and in that mentioned song he spells out u n c o n d i t i o n a l l o v e..
what's your opinion on all this? i hope it's not a hopeless bit of writing..(i mean, at least the last verse is ok, i think.)
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
This got lost somewhere - almost - between week 17 and 18.
It's a good piece of writing, but with a few reservations....
"With songs before scratch..." I'm not sure what you're getting at here, are you talking about looking at old songs and bringing them "up to scratch?" revising them, making them better?
"Like that need for headlines..." maybe "YOUR need...etc..." might work a little better....
The lines in green work OK - lose them, and you'll lose the whole point of the song....
"Secure behind a letter wall".....maybe "a wall of letters" would be better....
The rest of the song reads pretty well - although I'd lose the line in red ("A formula to keep the distance") and keep the line before....
One thing even my (very!) vivid imagination couldn't do was put a tune to this - any ideas as to music?
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hi vic
"songs before scratch" was just a stupid little idea of mine.. like being at the point before "starting from scratch", like you don't have the slightest idea what to do..
oh, keep the green part? aye, well.. looking at it that way.. yes.
i actually had "wall of letters" first.. don't remember why i changed it.. so i'll take the original version there.
thank you very much, vic, that was helpful.
sorry to disappoint you on the music. no ideas here.
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
