EDIT - the MP3's a rough first draft, got a stinking cold and sore throat....but it's only a work-in-progress at the moment, just guitar and vocal... http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=225059 - I changed the title to "Someone Else's Song" and played around with the lyrics a little, I'm not finished with this yet, but it'll give you a rough idea where it's heading....
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Isn't it funny how some weeks, you can rack your brain and come up empty - and the next week it's like a light bulb goes on as soon as you read the assignment...
Someone Else's Love Song.
I'm still trying to write that song for you,
But for some reason nothing's coming through...
When I sit down, pen in my hand,
Nothing seems to go as planned,
I know in my heart what I'm trying to say,
But somehow these words don't come out the right way...
One day I'll get it right, I swear,
Perfect in every detail, like her,
Someday I'll get it right, you'll see,
The words and the music will come to me,
But till then while it's all going wrong,
You'll have to make do with someone else's love song...
I wish I'd written "In My Life" for you.....
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This is just a rough first draft as yet - I've got the melody sorted out, just need some chords to put to it...don't be put off by what seem to be irregular line lengths, the words do fit the rhythm....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Congrats on the 5,000 posts Vic ..
That is alot of replys to other peoples posts , and we are all very thank full you spend so much time offering your opinion on our work ...
From this not so old Aussie to the not so old pommie , Congratulations on 5,000 mark mate ...
The song : I like the idea behind it there are alterations I would make to what you already have but at this stage I will sit back because as you said " its' a rough draft " and a pretty darn good one might I say ...
Trevor
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
'I wish I'd written "In My Life" for you.....'
I really like this line, I think we've all felt the frustration at not being able to express ourselves as well as the 'greats' - although I'm sure they felt the same too!
I think the piece as a whole is pretty good, but would probably improve a lot if the idea was developed a bit more.
Very good. Nothing I'd change here. I'd like to see if you can extend the length of the song though, with one or two more verses. But it's fine as it is though.
Vic,
I think we saw the same light bulb go off. I had to stop reading
your post and go write my song because your opening line
and mine were very similar. (OK almost identical)
I Think after that we diverge somewhat yet still tell the same story.
I love the "In My Life" line. Every time I play that song
my lovely wife asks " Why don't you write something like that
for me"
Women :roll:(My apologies to all our female forum members
Just Venting)
Anyways Good Job
John
Hey Vic,
Excellent first draft.
You'll have to make do with someone else's love song
I love the feeling that this short line communicates. You can hear the defeat. I think maybe the "make do" could be reworded though.
Also, although I know this was a rough draft, I should point out the change of perspectives from being sung to a woman to being sung to the audience in the lines:
One day I'll get it right, I swear,
Perfect in every detail, like her,
If this is meant as a bridge, and there is a change of music, then that's fine... it can add a lot.
Looking forward to the finished product.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Slowplay, those two lines have been buggng me as well - they seem to come from a different perspective to the rest of the song....so I changed them around a little.....
Someone Else's Love Song.
I'm still trying to write that song for you,
But for some reason nothing's coming through...
When I sit down, pen in my hand,
Nothing seems to go as planned,
I know in my heart what I'm trying to say,
But somehow these words don't come out the right way...
One day I'll get it right, I won't fail,
Perfect in every shade and detail,
Someday I'll get it written, you'll see,
The words and the music will come to me,
But till then while it's all going wrong,
You'll have to make do with someone else's love song...
I wish I'd written "In My Life" for you.....
I'm still not totally happy - but then the song's all about frustration isn't it! I'm actually having a much harder time with the music - the first two lines are OK, got a nice little finger-picked riff there - but then it seems to go in a different direction every time I try to play it....so far I've got about 6 different combinations of chords....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hey Vic this is a really good start mate, I havent heard your draft yet cos Im at work and cant access Soundclick.
One day I'll get it right, I swear,
Perfect in every detail, like her,
Someday I'll get it right, you'll see,
The words and the music will come to me,
But till then while it's all going wrong,
You'll have to make do with someone else's love song...
these two lines are great, dont change them, just deal to this line "Perfect in every..."
I dont know how your going to phrase that line but maybe some as simple as
Perfect in every detail, like you,
cheers
Paul
