I'm going to post this as is even though the opening lines
are very close to Vic's I swear it came into my head before
I looked at Vic's post. As a matter of fact I stopped reading his
post to go write this after the first line because I didn't want to
be influenced.
So with due apologies to Mr. Lewis
A Song For You
I was going to write a song for you
But on this cold March night
It ain't coming true
And if I try to hard
I'll lose the meaning
And never find the words
I was going to tell you how I feel
But the lines I write
Just don't seem real
And I can not find
A melody to
Express what's on my mind
Every time I write a happy ending
I'm thinking of the love between us two
And every time I write about a sad and lonely fool
I'm thinking how I'd feel if I lost you
I was going sing you this love song
But every note I sing
It just don't belong
And if I try to hard
I'll lose the meaning
And choke on every word
Every time I sing a happy ending
I'm thinking of the love between us two
And every time I sing about a sad and lonely fool
I'm thinking how I'd feel if I lost you
Every time I write a happy ending
I'm thinking of the love between us two
And every time I write about a sad and lonely fool
I'm thinking how I'd feel if I lost you
I was going to write a song for you
But on this cold March night
It ain't coming true
Don't see any need for apologies - opening lines are similar, but tthen the rest of the songs are very different....
And you've developed the theme more fully....
I can see this as a real old-fashioned crying-in-the-beer country song - wonder if that's what you're thinking?
Only thing I can see wrong, the rhyming scheme's a little vague.....
"I was going to write a song for you
But on this cold March night
It ain't coming true
And if I try to hard
I'll lose the meaning
And never find the words".....
Here, for instance, you could look at it two different ways - as two long lines, where you'd have at least an internal rhyme in the first section, but nothing else... or as abacde......
Maybe something like,
"I was going to write a song for you
But on this cold March night
I can't find the right choice,
And if I try too hard
I'll lose the meaning
And never find (my) OR (the right) voice....."
As always, just my opinion and suggestions....I think you're on the right track, just look at tidying the rhyming scheme a little.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
^^^Vic stole what I was going to say. Haha. lol
I agree, you're on the the right track. Nice job Celt.
Hi John
I like this , I do agree with my English friend sort of country crying in the beer sort of thing ..
You didn't want to be influenced John ? And I am here trying to get under the influence :lol:
Nice work again John , what genre or style do you have mind ?
Trevor
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Thanks All
Yeah Vic I like the way we both came at the assignment from the
same starting point,told similar stories, and came at it from
different angles. I realize that the Rhyme scheme is slightly of
but for some reason it works for me here. Although I love the
"choice/voice" rhyme.
I did record an MP3 which can be found here:
Thanks Again
John
Nice contrast between ths and Mortuary Blues - not sure whether this is more folk or country, though I'd incline to the latter.
I like this one as well.....and I'd say that your phrasing's what makes this really good. You have a certain way of putting a song across, the way you drag this line out or shorten another, that gives your songs a distinctive quality that makes them very recognisable. The Celt Sound?
Again, excellent writing, and well played & sung!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hey John,
Yeah, I agree with Vic, your phrasing is great. It makes more out of the lyrics than just reading the text alone.
Wish I had more to complain about here. Good work.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
John,
good work here, definitely a "Celt" sound coming through, nice job on the mp3
cheers
Paul
The lyrice alone were good
But with music it brings them to life and not how I thought ..
Well done John
cheers
Trevor
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
