EDIT - video clip added, Tues 4th March. I've had to do it this way because I'm having major problems with Audacity, for some reason - I think I may need a new mic. Here's the link, but it's best viewed before you eat........
http://s13.photobucket.com/albums/a279/viclewis/?action=view¤t=MOV00086.flv
Bear in mind it's a one-take rough demo, and I've only just written the song - stumbled over the lyrics in a couple of places, but I did change them around in the third verse deliberately! Oh, and I used the acoustic guitar - if I ever get to record the song properly, I'll use the acoustic AND the Tele!
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As far as I can recall, this may well be the first time I've ever written a song with an introductory chorus - the reason should be pretty obvious. Apologies in advance for yet another broken relationship song, but musically at least I'm branching out of my normal territory - I'm thinking fairly up-tempo country-ish (not much point owning a Tele if you don't let it twang every now and then!) in 3/4 time, but I've only got a vague idea as to chords so far, I've sort of got the melody but haven't worked a chord scheme round it as yet.
I'm thinking it might need a bridge after the third verse - maybe bridge, shortish solo following the rhythm pattern of the bridge, then the chorus repeated twice, the second chorus with the chords shifted up a semitone or maybe two, depending what sounds best. So still abit to do with this, but here's what I've got so far...............
The Promise.
The promise was to love, honour and cherish,
Till death us do part,
But you broke that promise,
And you broke my heart.
You promised to love me for ever,
But you never really loved me at all,
I was so proud to be seen with you,
But pride goes before a fall,
The promise was to love, honour and cherish,
Till death us do part,
But you broke that promise,
And you broke my heart.
You promised to honour me always,
But you didn't keep the faith,
You were never there when I needed you,
You disappeared like a wraith,
The promise was to love, honour and cherish,
Till death us do part,
But you broke that promise,
And you broke my heart.
You promised to cherish eternally,
But your concept of time,
Was meaningless like everything else,
I never heard the chimes,
The promise was to love, honour and cherish,
Till death us do part,
But you broke that promise,
And you broke my heart.
The promise was to love, honour and cherish,
Till death us do part,
But you broke that promise,
And you broke my heart.
______________________________________________
OK I'm off to work on the music..............
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Vic,
Very Good! I like the way you connect the Verses and Chorus with the love,honour, cherish.
This theme could come off as forced but you gave a real natural feel.
At first it struck me as somewhat "cliche" in spots but it would be very hard to
write this song without some of that slipping in. Also the faith - wraith rhyme
totally redeems any transgressions. Great!
You're probably right, a bridge would be an asset to this song .
Maybe something referring back to the wedding and how beautiful
she was or some detail of the day.
Can't wait to hear the finished song
John
i'm not sure what you have in mind but it sounds like it's going to be far too long. you know they like them to be three minutes on the radio!
OK, here's an update on the music.....
(CHORUS) G C G D
The promise was to love, honour and cherish,
G C G A
Till death us do part,
G D D6 D G C G
But you broke that promise,
D A F D
And you broke my heart.
(VERSE)
D G D
You promised to love me for ever,
D G A G
But you never really loved me at all,
D G D
I was so proud to be seen with you,
D A F D
But pride goes before a fall,
I had a bit of trouble fitting music to the lyrics as they are - I can sing it, but it's a little unwieldy. I might have to drop the word "really" from the second line - in which case the G chord will line up with "loved" - and the word "seen" from the third line, in which case the D chord will line up with "with."
Quick run-through just, it's clocking in around 3mins 20secs....without bridge or solo. Hmmm. Maybe I can do without the bridge, but I was working on a solo, maybe I can get away with about 3.40 ish? I don't want to mess with the tempo, it feels just right the way I played it.....
I shall continue to tamper, fiddle and otherwise mess about with it..........and for the moment, radio-friendly editing is the least of my problems! It'd be nice to be on the radio, but the odds are pretty much against it........
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
damn, that was quick!!! and here I was just dropping in to pick up the assignment, lol.
I'll comment proper in the morning mate.
I reiterate my previous statement in light of the video. Bloody hell, ya working quick this week!! :lol: :lol:
I'm really likin' this mate, despite the sad sentiments, really hearing the don williams mixed with a little Dylan and a bunch of others, so much so, I'm on my third listen now! yeah, I said Dylan aight,one of the things I think this song definitely lends itself well to is being reperformed well - you can sing it as a sad, slow dirge, or upbeat as in the vid, where there's a sense of wit to it (the idea of being hurt but putting on a front that its only mock-hurt, so to speak, sorry that's unclear, I think there's more that can be pulled form this line of thinking anyway), etc, etc. I'm thinking particularly here of Dylan's Don't Think Twice - http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/dontthink.html - there are so many different ways you could perform that tune, and different ways of empasising section within it, and The Promise also has that element to it, making it brilliant for a performer.
as per usual, I'll chuck in some thoughts/suggestions....but they're just thoughts, more to elaborate different ways of approaching it/developing it. meh. consider the caveat duly issued. :wink:
one thing is the repeated chorus - no criticisms as such, but ya might wanna consider doing something like Brght Eyes does on Soul Singer In A Session Band - http://www.lyricsondemand.com/b/brighteyeslyrics/soulsingerinasessionbandlyrics.html - where the chorus format essentially stays the same (sufficiently so for it to clearly be a chorus, lol), but he alters bits within it as he repeats it, further establishing the narrator's position vis a vis the soul singer.
also, if you want to go down the sad-song-but-actually-a-bit-tongue-in-cheek/black humour line........I'd be sorely tempted to take phrases such as "you promised to honour me" and follow them with references e.g. to a purple heart (bruised heart, anyone?), or the idea of a cheap commendation - so the idea is that the narrator is saying the 'promise-breaker' did keep their promises, but in a pretty perverse/brutal/unconventional way. could also work if the song is done as a lament, rather than out-and-out bile wit.
now, I'm off to post the lyrics to my freshly written tune. 8) I'd post a video, but I'm still struggling with the dance routine. :lol: :lol:
oh, I DO have a CRITICISM!!!! why, in the video, do you shoot it so we can't see ya cowboy hat? :cry: :lol:
damn. that was long. :shock:
Vik: I keep trying to listen to this but my computer is slow and it takes too long to load. I Promise (no pun intended) that I'll listen to it within a reasonable amount of time.
Vic,
Great sketch! Lots of musical space in there for some harmony, fills, etc.
I'm thinking it might need a bridge after the third verse - maybe bridge, shortish solo following the rhythm pattern of the bridge, then the chorus repeated twice, the second chorus with the chords shifted up a semitone or maybe two, depending what sounds best.
Agree 100%. I would also tweak the chorus lyrics the last time through to dovetail it with the groove of your coda.
Can't wait to hear this one as you sculpt it further.
Chris
Nice job Vic old mate ..
The only thing I can see that grabbed my attention was that you still ain't had a hair cut :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Video clips , when does the line of Lewis clothing come out mate ? :lol: :lol: :lol:
All jokes aside this is a very touching song mate , and learned something from your video clip as well , I like the effect the pinky gives to the chords and I see how you used it to great effect ..
Cheers
Trev.. :wink:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
wow, vic. you're productive. seeing your video, i was in awe watching the swift movements of your hands ( particularily your left one :wink: ). and the little hammer-on thing, if i saw/heard that right, is beautiful. also, really like the way you sing the last lines of the verses.
But you broke that promise,
And you broke my heart.
- don't know why but this bit got something very appealing.. something along the lines of haiku beauty... :)
thanks for posting! sorry, i can't think of constructive criticism. i just like what i hear :D
cheers,
straycat.
by the way, scrybe, it's great to see someone else is into Bright Eyes, too :D
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Vik: that was nice. I like your singing voice. The song is very catchy; I keep hearing it in my head. It makes me want to get out my lonely acoustic and do something with it for the next song.
Jeez Vic that was excellent mate. Well done to you :D :D :D
That chorus is just spot on
cheers
Paul
