hey. this might betetr be called "Have Mercy Upon Me", "Notice Day" or "The Greatness of Thy Mercy".. I am indecisive :wink: it's.. um... sort of longish :wink:
For I am Weak
All these fearful faces in the pavement
Concrete masterpieces coated with fingerprints
And every windowpane is breath-veiled
I have shaken too many hands
There were stains on too many of them
And with the waves crashing against the hollows of my knees
I think of walking out of this western,
And with my back to this miserable dumpsite of a country
I'm thinking of Iceland,
Somewhere with no train tracks
No heartbeat of no city
Wrecking my sleep
Hear me, Désolé-
There's no glee in this
I don't want to sink another paper boat
Or whistle in another house of cards, no
Have mercy upon me, Lord
Have Gabriel or Raphael,
Who gloat upon my hunched back,
Have them resume the job
For I who dote upon the quiet, the dead nights
I have done enough
See, I stretched my limbs in the gutter
When a girl dropped me her perfect six-pence
Then she was dragged away,
“You can't help that poor old devilâ€, I heard her mother say
Now, kindly muffle your laugh,
Have mercy on me, Lord
Let the dices roll again,
Tell them I am not after their places
On the contrary, I think I am retreating
Somewhere with no train tracks
No faces in the pavement
Into the deepest desert, if I could bear the heat
No, I'm thinking of the desolate north of Iceland
To trade these tiresome sights for the polar lights,
A violin beneath my chin
That would be fine.
hope it's not offensive in any way. and i sure don't have any grudges against gabriel and raphael :wink:
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Not offensive at all, it's very beautiful, and your imagery is right on, as usual.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
agreed, there's nothing in this I could see being offensive to anyone. good job, stunning imagery, as I'm coming to expect from you, gave me a lot to think about (might post more later, once it all sinks in :wink: ).
Straycat
I agree, No offense taken here.
Beautiful piece and very well written.
I find the flow of this very melodic.
John
I'm really not sure what to make of this - as usual, you've thrown loads of lovely imagery in - but to be honest, some of it's a bit over my head.....but then, it isn't always about perfect rhymes and perfect times - sometimes vague and shadowy really works.
This one will probably take me a day or so to analyse....I can't find any fault with it, I just can't unravel it YET - gimme a day or so to work it out......
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
i'm glad that you seem to like it :D
you found it flowed, John? nice! :wink:
Vic, if any explanations are needed or wanted, let me know :wink:
and if the comment on "perfect times" was to indicate some wrong use of tenses in my piece, i'd be glad if you could point them out to me (is it the perfect and past in the 4th+5th line? should i say shook? sounds awkward in my ears.). i want to learn :D
thanks for all your comments!
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
"i want to learn :D "
This is a masterpiece!
On the contrary - It is I that want to learn from you!
I have always felt that what you wrote was more; 'poetic'....
And now, with this - You have graduated into writing things not just poetic....
But of writing POETRY!
This is wonderful!
The timing and phrasing are of Professional caliber!
It has those elemental poetic dreamscapes and visions - yet,
clearly has a cohesiveness to it.... It is stuctured and moves to a conclusion.
(as opposed to a bunch of disjointed nonsense)
It is on a level comparable to Allen Ginsberg's writings.
Anyone who reads this should truly feel privileged!
And it reads much better as poetry than trying to read it as a song....
If it's anything like 'Isabel' was musically - You'll breathe Soul into it and make it into a
Living Poem!
Thankx!
Ken
"I'm a stenographer of my mind.
I write down what passes through it,
not what goes on around me.
I'M A POET."
Allen Ginsberg
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
you're very welcome.
you make me blush :D
didn't know the poet, but i like the allen quote.
thank you,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Ausgezeichnet!
Deep, moving, powerful, and mystifying.
Even if you never set this to a melody, its ready now to be performed as spoken word.
Dankeschön, Chris :D
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
