Hi all
Ok, I think this ticks some of the boxes for W38 - It's not all doom and gloom so it can be farely upbeat and lively - I'm thinking Bruce Springsteen meets The Eagles....
It's a bit long but can't really see what to cut to keep the story intact - help required...
I've sorta flipped Stateside again because it works best, apologies for topography - help required...
I know I reads a bit funny on the verses - length wise, but it changes pace in the first and third verses.
Half Moon Bay
My first love, was the best I'd ever seen
Born in 1956 she came in Cascade Green
Spent my short life savings on a lot in San Ardo
Ran her down to Grover Beach to see how she would go
We spent the summers cruising, always gleaming like the sun
Drove the coast from Morro Bay the length of Highway One
And as the moon lit up the sky I came to Monterey
Pulled into a diner that was gonna change my ways
When I was young the wind blew through my hair
When I drove my Chevy ‘56 I didn't have a single care
But when I had to make a choice it had to break my heart
The choice between two lovers gonna tear your world apart
My second love, the cutest I had seen
Born in 1966 and dressed in Ocean Green
When I walked into that diner and I saw her across the floor
She offered me the menu but her eyes said so much more
We spent our summers lovin' every hour that we could find
I knew that I was going to have to make this homegirl mine
We made our plans and soon we had a baby on the way
But I was not expecting all the words she had to say
Now we got a family the Chevy has to go
The words they cut me like a knife more than she'd ever know
I loved my wife and family but I didn't like the catch
But I traded my old Chevy for a Vega three-door hatch
When I was young the wind blew through my hair
When I drove my Chevy ‘56 I didn't have a single care
But when I had to make a choice it had to break my heart
The choice between two lovers gonna tear your world apart
Thirty years they past so fast the kids have all left home
My wife seemed she preferred her boss and left me all alone
I'm clearing out the cupboards got to get away from here
Packed a few things in a bag and left without a tear
I drove a while I can't remember which way I had gone
Turning on the radio they played my favourite song
The sun was getting lower as I drove to anywhere
I passed the sign to San Ardo and parked up in the square
I walked a while and dreamed about the good times and the past
I came across a used car lot as the light was fading fast
In the corner sat a Chevy better years it would have seen
Then I recognised the numbers and the colour Cascade Green
Music
Cruising down the freeway, Chevy gleaming like the sun
Drove the coast from Morro Bay the length of highway one
And as the moon lit up the sky I came to Monterey
I passed a diner and kept driving on to Half Moon Bay
I passed a diner and kept driving on to Half Moon Bay
Thanks for reading.
Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!
Hey Dylan,
Good start :D Yes. It's got a bit of length on it. Since you were looking on ways to cut it down, I'd say you don't need to spend so much space on the "First Love"....a lot is understood about guys love for cars and trading in the sports car for the family station wagon.
Try to fit in some more car imagery:
Maybe have the cheatin' wife describing her actions as trading the singer in for a "classier model"
I'm clearing out the cupboards
maybe something about leaving a garage full of stuff that took up the space instead of his Chevy
James
I really like it,
It's cleaver and gives great imagery .
One of those songs that if recorded would be listened to time and time again for the words.
I agree with you and would love to hear it Eagles styley!
Neat!
I always love a good story.
As far as my suggestion . . . just one line . . . really nitpicky, minor, insignificant . .
I passed the sign to San Ardo and parked up in the square
How about took the exit there instead of parked up in the square ?
Oh, and highway one DOES go up and down the California Coast . . . it's a beautiful drive . . . good research.
I wanna hear this one.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Try to fit in some more car imagery....
maybe something about leaving a garage full of stuff that took up the space instead of his Chevy...
Yup, thanks, sounds good. I'll look at that.
I always love a good story.
Thought you'd like it :wink:
As far as my suggestion . . . just one line . . . really nitpicky, minor, insignificant . .
I passed the sign to San Ardo and parked up in the square
How about took the exit there instead of parked up in the square ?
Not nitpicky at all - it was a crap line - you could see I was struggling. Yup, I like the exit line. Thought how about 'stopped to breath the air' as in 'breath' not filling his tyres... :roll:
I passed the sign to San Ardo and stopped to breath the air...
Or does that sound a bit weird?
Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!
