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Y8 W43 - Guilty.


(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
Topic starter  

Not so sure that I've completely managed to get the topic, but I did pick a classic song, added a verse then used that new verse as my starting point.....and I know for a fact I didn't come near to replicating the imagery of the song I started with... but see if you can guess it anyway.

Think 1900 or so, Victorian England, where a starving child could be sent to jail for stealing a loaf of bread.....or hanged for stealing a pig or a sheep....

Guilty

Well the gaoler turned the big brass key,
Inside the thick steel door,
Thin mattress on a steel frame,
For the next few days or more,
I'm feeling claustrophobic,
I need to be outside,
Rain or sunshine on my face,
No place here to hide,

But I've been judged and,
Found guilty of my crimes,
And somewhat ashen-faced,
Led away to do my time....

The turnkey passed this morning,
And turned his face away,
He couldn't look me in the eye,
He knows today's the day,
The executioner's here,
The gallows pole is built,
And soon it will be my turn,
Yes my blood will be spilt,

For I've been found guilty,
And sentenced for my crimes,
And now, somewhat ashen-faced,
Led away to end my time.

There's a lot I have to say,
When they ask me for my last words,
I'll speak about injustice,
And how how nobody heard,
I was poor and starving,
Homeless, sick and cold,
My sentence isn't so cruel,
I would never have grown old,

Yes I've been found guilty,
And my sentence is death,
And I'll curse the world I lived in,
With my dying breath.

Yes I am guilty,
Of being born in poverty,
And that's my only crime,
Tryin' to find a better life for me,

Tryin' to escape this slavery,
Tryin' to find a better way to be,
Tryin' to find a way to be free,
Tryin' to get off the streets,
Tryin' to find some food to eat,
Trying to find a different beat,

(Ad-lib along the same lines for a couple of hours or so...)

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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 KR2
(@kr2)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

I don't know what the original song is, Vic, but I think this is the best work I've seen from you.
It's simplistic, lucid, good imagery, elicits emotion, tells a story and probably a thousand ways this could be incorporated into a song.

This gets my Seal of Approval
(for whatever that's worth)

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@scrybe)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2246
 

I'm going to guess the main tune from Oliver!

Ra Er Ga.

Ninjazz have SuperChops.

http://www.blipfoto.com/Scrybe


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Vic,

Well no guess on the song....an MP3 might help

But I agree with Ken that this assignment seemed to trigger the story teller in you.....and that's a good thing

Thanks for sharing.

James


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(@martin-6)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 418
 

Looks like a decent song but I can't help wishing you'd given us a teensy bit more of a hint about what his crimes actually were. It's the missing piece in the story.

The verses flow well, but for a chorus, I think the phrase "somewhat ashen-faced" sounds a bit too literary and could do to be modified into something catchy or memorable. Descriptive verses and action-based choruses, that's a winning combination in my book.


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(@daemontears)
Active Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 11
 

If I may be allowed to say, it's very good, and I enjoyed reading it.

I'd like to take a guess at the original song and say, "Hallowed Be Thy Name" Iron Maiden


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
Topic starter  

Thanks for comments, everyone.

The music I actually had going through my head while I was writing the lyrics was Procol Harum's "Whiter Shade of Pale," which was itself "inspired" by a piece of classical music....was it "Air On A G String?" - it's been a long time since I've actually recorded anything, but if I get a chance later this week I'll try and record this. I've got some music together, which sounds vaguely similar to "WSOP" but hopefully different enough to avoid out-and-out plagiarism. (It's actually more reminiscent of the chorus of Mott's version of "All The Young Dudes"......)

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@contagiousjerm)
Estimable Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 176
 

Nice. I especially liked this verse:
There's a lot I have to say,
When they ask me for my last words,
I'll speak about injustice,
And how how nobody heard,
I was poor and starving,
Homeless, sick and cold,
My sentence isn't so cruel,
I would never have grown old,

It is nice imagery, and moody. I don't think I need to hear your crimes, because if it was bad enough for execution, we can guess. I say beautiful.

On a different note, I was listening to some Johnny Cash the other night, and the songs Joe Bean and Cocaine Blues stood out as on the same topic... he cracks me up.

Jeremy

And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876


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