Hi, here goes :wink:
Wasn't it?
It was a good strong tea
Wasn't it
And a good long walk,
Cleared our heads,
Didn't it
From the news paper clippings and anecdote trippings
And all the junk we were told to hold for a minute
And then left alone with
The snow storm surprised us
Didn't it?
That was a good carefree laugh
We had then
Wasn't it?
We splishsplashed through the flat, had warm baths,
Wool socks and hot chocolate before settling down
With a playlist and a film
And that one song's still your favourite
Now isn't it?
When we sank into the spaces between picture frames
Swallowed by a sofa like in that book we read
We were nowhere specific but content
It was bliss
Wasn't it
.
.
Or was it?
Maybe the last line needs elaboration? Something like "Or, from where I am standing/lying now, I'm wondering, was it?"
Or maybe it doesn't. :lol:
Originally wanted to write about looking at old photographs and pointing out things (e.g.: oh, that picture was taken when...; oh, there you said this and that...; oh, that was a nice/.. day..) and after each statement wondering whether or not it really was like this or if memory plays tricks on you. Well, it's still in the same vein :wink:
Comments appreciated as always :D
Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Straycat,
It reads like a clear sweet sentiment of reminiscing between two friends...nice imagery as usual ;)....It's really set up to go dark if you wanted it to in a last line/verse, but it it could stay sweet and simple as well.
Thanks for sharing.
James
Nice one! To me it reads like the story of two people falling in love.
Some suggestions:
I don't understand the lines "And all the junk we were told to hold for a minute / And then left alone with".
I understand "From the news paper clippings and anecdote trippings" to mean something like two people getting to know each other, but I've never been told to hold junk :wink:
If it's supposed to mean spending time together (and getting more memories to carry around) the phrase "for a minute" seems awkward.
"With a playlist and a film"
The word playlist feels so impersonal. How about changing it to "in a sofa with a film"
"When we sank into the spaces between picture frames"
This is an absolute masterful image. I understand it to mean that a moment turns into a picture, and the picture you put into a picture frame is a picture of a happy moment, so it's a really poetic way of saying you're having a good time. Great line!
Instead of "Or was it?" why don't you repeat "Wasn't it?" but then say it like it's a question. That way the listener will understand the doubt about the situation and the listeners will fill in the blanks for themselves.
"Originally wanted to write about looking at old photographs and pointing out things [...] and after each statement wondering whether or not it really was like this or if memory plays tricks on you"
I think this is better. It's better to save the doubt for the end, so that there's a good ending to it. Otherwise each statement would have been a repeat of the last one (only in different words), so that the song would have had no progression.
Well, those were my thoughts. As always, do with them what you like :wink:
Hi Anne,
I like it, nice imagery.
Instead of "Or was it?" why don't you repeat "Wasn't it?" but then say it like it's a question. That way the listener will understand the doubt about the situation and the listeners will fill in the blanks for themselves.
Took the words right out of my mouth
cheers
Paul
Ah, the minimalist Straycat's turned up this week....as opposed to the more wordy, verbiose Straycat - not that I'm complaining, I've had hours of fun deciphering your lyrics in the past! But this one, for me, is nice and easy to get the feel of just by reading the lyrics - comes across almost plaintive, pleading to me.
"With a playlist and a film"
The word playlist feels so impersonal. How about changing it to "in a sofa with a film"
Umm, NO....I can see the two people cuddling up with the playlist of films to watch....but maybe "with a playlist and SOME films" might work better (or even "and some DVD's").......
Instead of "Or was it?" why don't you repeat "Wasn't it?" but then say it like it's a question. That way the listener will understand the doubt about the situation and the listeners will fill in the blanks for themselves.
Took the words right out of my mouth
Took the words out of my mouth, too....agree 100% with pBee and Christiaan. Nice ambiguous line to finish with.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thank you everyone for your comments!
Christiaan, as for "the junk" - it's not neccessary literal junk (although, of course, that'd be funny, to me anyways), so it's basically any problem/responsibility/task/expectation/.. that someone else dumped on you :wink:
As to the playlist, I was not thinking of a playlist of films but rather of a playlist of songs, picked out together for that one afternoon/evening/morning and put into winamp/windows media player or whatever you got on your computer and then listened to. Pretty personal, I think.
Thank you for sharing your reading of the spaces between picture frames! That's beautiful! (I did think of somthing slightly different though, but never mind! this is better, more positive)
And thanks for pointing out the last line, I'll go with your suggestion there!
minimalist Straycat :lol: I know,it's a relief!
Thanks everyone!
Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
