Y9 W2 Larry's Song w Mp3

It seems every time I log on you've got a new song! That's too cool!

There is a lot of great stuff here. The first four lines are wonderful and draw the listener right in. I might suggest "old park bench" or "heating grate" instead of window ledge as most homeless aren't likely to sleep somewhere they might fall and hurt themselves.

But what I really want to suggest is that you ditch your current chorus and instead use the second half of the first verse as your new chorus (and I've tweaked it a bit):

Excuse me sir, can you spare a quarter?
God Bless you, have a nice day.
Somebody yells "Hey! Get a job!"
They don't know that this is my job today

These four lines capture the heart and soul of the song and stays within the narrative of the character. It's about what is and leaves it up to the listener to come up with the morality. The current chorus (again this is totally my opinion) tries to dictate that morality and it falls to using lines more apt to be sung by an onlooker than by the narrator. I think that using this set of four lines for your chorus will make the song more powerful because you're inviting the audience to listen and make choices.

I hope you come up with melody and chords. I've been singing this over and over in my head now since I've read it. Great job!

Peace

The window ledge can be seen if you look at the street view image photo http://maps.google.com/maps?q=roosevelt+auditorium&um=1&hl=en&rlz=1W1GGLL_en&ndsp=18&biw=904&bih=570&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=il Google didn't catch any sleepers but it's not uncommon to see a homeless person curled up and sleeping on these 3' x 8' window ledges. This is the corner referred to in the song. The corner of Michigan and Congress. The building with the ledges is Roosevelt University Auditorium Theatre. The Congress Hotel is across the street.

I think the song needs tweaking but I disagree about the appropriatemness of the Chorus. Larry, like most street people I know, has difficulties that go far beyond alcoholism. The self condemnation found in the chorus is not uncommon. I think the third and fourth verses explain the chorus (which is largely quotations from the Mass)
"The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed"
Before communion , many Catholics say a prayer "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you; but only say the word and I shall be healed."

I'm in this darkness, cold, drunk and crazy. is henceforth changed to "I'm in my darkness..." - (It's a well lit corner, the darkness is internal.)
I'm asking for spare change tonight becomes " I'm asking for change tonight" (this might change again, to I'm begging for change tonight)

I lived in Chicago for close to thirty years (September 1975- December 2003) and know the corner very well. One of my friends has been working at the Congress Hotel for close to fifteen years now. That's one of the reasons I thought the song works so well is that it picks up details that make it come alive. But for anyone who's not been there "window ledges" is very misleading and will probably give listeners a mental picture that you don't intend.

And, as I mentioned, it's only my opinion about the chorus. I'm more than okay about disagreeing - being able to disagree and to discuss it is a big reason why the SSG is such a great place. And I agree with you that the third and fourth verses do explain his moral point, which is why it seems to me that simply restating that in the chorus seems unnecessary.

Plus, a song's chorus is usually the part of the song that everyone remembers and can sing along with, even if it's the first time someone has heard the song. It's the part they're going to most likely take home in their heads and make them both appreciate and want to hear the song more. I just think that your second set of four lines (starting with "Excuse me, sir?") do a better job of this than the current chorus does. Again, it's just my opinion.

It's a very good song as it stands.

Looking forward to more.

Peace

I was reading through this trying to see how it worked within the topic of "Change", and then I re read it and saw the verse ......
Peter

It's not only about Larry asking for Quarters and other change. It's about Larry changing from being an A student with promise and becoming what he is today. It's also about Larry asking to be changed. That's why I changed the line :
I'm asking for spare change tonight becomes " I'm asking for change tonight" (this might change again, to I'm begging for change tonight)

MrE

First off I've never been to Chicago except for a couple hour layover at O'Hare
and I got the window ledge imagery perfectly. Take that as you may.
Maybe I saw a picture at some point.

I understand both sides of the chorus discussion but feel the chorus you have
now is too good to loose. If you take David's advice I would suggest using
the present chorus as a bridge or verse.

I like the line "I'm begging for change tonight". It could well be seen as simply
"Hey Mister can you spare a dime" or begging as in "Imploring to the Lord through Prayer"

Is my Catholic upbringing starting to show yet?

The song as a whole is very moving and I believe worth the time
you need to take to "tweek" it.

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

Another change I just made is
They don't know that this is my job today becomes "I fought for this corner, it's my job today."

Larry and I spent a lot of time talking. He described infighting among the panhandlers. How they fought for and protected their territories. Larry was proud of his status among street people. He looked down on signers, the guys that hold the signs "Will work for food" and "Shakers"The ones that stand there and rattle cups.

Next big decision - musical style and key. Major or Minor. It kind of fits a Minor blues pattern. I've been thinking in blues patterns for a week because of last weeks assignment. It is a Chicago song though so Chicago blues should fit it thematically.

I added a basic chord structure and have the latest text edits. I inverted the chorus.
Larry's Song

(D)My name is (G) Larry,(D) this is my (G) corner
(D)Downtown (G) Chicago, by the(A) Congress (D)Hotel
(D) Last night I(G) slept on this (D)window (G)ledge
(D) I've spent too many (G) nights in a (A) Cook County (D) Cell

Excuse me sir, can you spare a quarter?
God bless you, have a nice day.
Some people yell I should get a job
I fought for this corner, it's my job today

(chorus)
(G) I am not worthy, (D) outcaste and unclean
(A) Say the word and my (G) soul shall be (D) healed
(G)I'm in my darkness, (D) cold, drunk and crazy.
(A) You are the light of the (D) world.

Reading at two, I was an A student
Father Joe's main acolyte
I learned how to say the whole mass in Latin
I'm asking for change tonight

Jesus was out walking this evening
Going in the Congress front door
I saw him looking down at me
From a window on the thirteenth floor

chorus

Now I lay me down to sleep
Booze in all my cells
If I die before I wake
There'll be one more drunk in Hell

(chorus)

Nice job and good discussion. I like the rewrite. I think the image of Jesus walking in the front door and then looking down from the 13th floor is disconnected. Maybe Jesus looking down at him while walking in. But the words you wrote do flow nicely so it's fine. Also Larry might have cognitive difficulties and so then it makes sense.

Good job.

Ernie

Nice job and good discussion. I like the rewrite. I think the image of Jesus walking in the front door and then looking down from the 13th floor is disconnected. Maybe Jesus looking down at him while walking in. But the words you wrote do flow nicely so it's fine. Also Larry might have cognitive difficulties and so then it makes sense.

Good job.

Ernie

I thoughht the image of Jesus looking down was interesting and of course, like most hotels, the Congress doesn't have a 13th floor.
It would actually be difficult to make out who was looking out a window from that high up. The idea is that while he yearns for healing he doesn't believe that God help him.

I like the images and can actually picture Larry there in front of the Congress. Very nice job.

I've been channeling Larry for 48 hours and need to come up for air. It's disconcerting, I feel like I've been living on the street.
Has anyone else experienced discomfort while writing a first person non-autobigraphical song?

I didn't like the way the chords wewre working in the verses. It sounded too much like Angel From Montgomery. I changed the chord layout and decided on capo 3. I'll be debuting it in my song circle tomorrow.

Larry's Song – capo 3

(D)My name is Larry,(G) this is my corner
(D)Downtown Chicago, by the(A) Congress Hotel
(D) Last night I slept on this (G) window ledge
(D) I've spent too many nights in a (A) Cook County (D) Cell

Excuse me sir, can you spare a quarter?
God bless you, have a nice day.
Some people yell I should get a job
I fought for this corner, it's my job today

(chorus)
(G) I am not worthy, (D) outcaste and unclean
(A) Say the word and my soul shall be (D) healed
(G)I'm in my darkness, (D) cold, drunk and crazy.
(A) You are the light of the (D) world.

Reading at two, I was an A student
Father Joe's main acolyte
I learned how to say the whole mass in Latin
I'm asking for change tonight

Jesus was out walking this evening
Going in the Congress front door
I saw him looking down at me
From a window on the thirteenth floor

chorus

Now I lay me down to sleep
Booze in all my cells
If I die before I wake
There'll be one more drunk in Hell

(chorus)

You're definitely putting your energy in a good place by starting out with something good and keep working it over to better and better :D
I fought for this corner, it's my job today
I like this clarification/change.

On the read, for me the chorus alienates me as the listener where as I typically feel the chorus is the place to focus on the universal connection with the listener...However, with this topic and the song ending somewhat defiant of change in his life "If I die before I wake There'll be one more drunk in Hell"....this could be the type of song could be meant more as a song to listen to and contemplate rather than a connecting with the listener "sing-a-long" song.

Music-wise I'm looking forward to the listen. The lyrics set the song up to be unique.

Thanks for sharing :D

James

Thanks for the comment. What do you think of changing the chorus to plurals? I'm also changing to the Key of E by using a capo on the second fret for the top 5 strings and playing Drop D style

We are not worthy, outcaste and unclean
Say the word and our souls shall be healed
We're in our darkness, cold, drunk and crazy
And You are the light of the World