Hello,
I thought this would take me the whole two weeks
but I managed to find some time to write the last
3 days. Sorry I haven't been of the mind to critique
or respond lately but I'll try to improve on that in
Year 4.
The Eyes of A Child
Day 1
My usual form for songwriting in to take a Idea and let it
bounce around in my head for a few days and see what
happens. That's why I like the assignments they give me
a starting point. Children have been on my mind a lot
lately as most of you well know especially one certain
grandson of mine. (Who is doing very well by the way)
I have been learning Forever Young by Dylan to sing
for him at an event next month and thought how much
I wish I had written that song. So I guess I'll try to write one
something like it.
I came up with what may be the start of a lyric and
title after hearing Eleanor McAvoy's - A Woman's Heart
on NPR's Thistle and Shamrock Sunday night
( The eyes of a child can see
The magic that floats an the breeze )
This would suggest an AABB rhyme scheme but the way
I work it may be too soon to tell
Day 2
Pick up Guitar and look for inspiration.
This song may be taking a darker feel than I may have thought
If I let the song write itself it will be much different than I had first intended
___________________________________________________________________________
What the eyes of a child can see
Dear Lord
What the eyes of a child can see
All the anger and blame
All the suff'ring and shame
What the eyes of a child can see
What the ears of a child can hear
Dear Lord
What the ears of a child can hear
All the screams and the shouts
All the fears and (the/self ) doubts (not sure which word I will use)
What the ears of a child can hear
______________________________________________________________________________
I'll let it rest here and come back to it later with some thing like
What the mind can dream
What the heart can feel
What the lips can speak
I like that last one but maybe because it just popped into my head while i was typing this
Day 3
I'm kind of tired but I'll try to give this a few minutes to see if I can come up with anything
like a chorus or bridge to fill it out some.
Bridge:
In the night when there is no one to see
The mind of a child can dream
What the words of a child can say
Dear lord
What the words of a child can say
Daddy why can't you stay
Mommy cries every day
What the words of a child can say
OK so I played this through with some Blues chords in Em and it sounds like a song to me
Now all that's left is to put it together and post it and see what happens from there.
That's pretty much my process. Sometimes the words come all at once sometimes words and music together.
This time I bounced back and forth between the two looking for inspiration.
This sure came out different than I first imagined but that happen more than I would like to admit.
The Eyes of a Child
(Slow Bluesy Feel)
Em------------------B7-------Em
What the eyes of a child can see
Em--------
Dear Lord
Em-------------------B7----------Em
What the eyes of a child can see
Em------Am----------Em
All the anger and blame
Em------B7-------------Em
All the suff'ring and shame
Em-----------------------B7----------Em
What the eyes of a child can see
What the ears of a child can hear
Dear Lord
What the ears of a child can hear
All the screams and the shouts
All the fears and self doubts
What the ears of a child can hear
Bridge:
Em----Am------------------------Em
In the night when there is no one to see
Em--Am------------------Bm
The mind of a child can dream
What the words of a child can say
Dear lord
What the words of a child can say
Daddy why can't you stay
Mommy cries every day
What the words of a child can say
What the eyes of a child can see
Dear Lord
What the eyes of a child can see
All the anger and blame
All the suff'ring and shame
What the eyes of a child can see
John
John
You really cant just throw out lyrics like that without working someone into it. Especially, when I am at work. I was doing pretty good until I got to:
What the words of a child can say
Dear lord
What the words of a child can say
Daddy why can't you stay
Mommy cries every day
What the words of a child can say
Then I went to tears. In my workplace it may take some time to make the teasing go away.
I prefer letting a song write itself. To me, it becomes a much more genuine song when you do so. Its coming from the heart. To be honest, in this day and age your song probably rings true the way it is written anyway. I know my kids see the world as a much more dark place than I did when I was a child.
I dont have anything to critique. But I think I might learn it just in case I get the opportunity to preform it.
Geoo
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)
Hi John,
I like your song, you have a similar way of writing songs to me its seems, where you just let the idea hang around for a while and see where it takes you (Ha mine has taken me weeks to do something with and its only cos of SSG that Ive put a time limit on it). I find it interesting that you went for this version
All the fears and self doubts
What the ears of a child can hear I would have gone for All the fears and the doubts But only cos I think if the child is listening to the parents then it is the parents doubts that are being picked up, but "self" seems to imply the childs self doubt. Ill have to have a play when I get home. Good to hear Shaun is doing well.
cheers
pbee
Hi John
I read this more like a prayer ( sorry ) but it has that sort of feel to it and I'm sure with your talent and voice it would be a more of a (My sweet lord sort of number )
But as for the flow , the meter it's all very very good I'm very very impressed .
keep up your writting friend .
Cheers
L.K
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
I liked it alot actually not particularly my style but nonetheless it impressed me
I liked how you kind of took that one lyric vamp thing u had going about the child and made it work throughout the entire song seemed like there was a knack for always choosing the right words.
I have to agree with pbee( i think ) i was who said that they wouldve gone with THE doubts instead of SELF doubts but hey its ur song and obviously the line is sticking out to me so maybe you should keep it that way.
other than that good song id love to hear a recorded version of it considering im not aware of the strumming patterns and such
good job though i enjoyed it
Spencer
chec out my music
http://www.myspace.com/spencerbeasleymusic
pm if u like it or send me a message on myspace
Thanks Guys,
Haven't had much time for music lately but things are starting to settle down around here and without another assignment I decided to use
what time I had to record this one.
Geoo,
Sorry about the teasing at work.
Next time maybe a warning
CAUTION Sad Song Ahead
Pbee and Bean,
I usually ascribe to Nicks 7th rule of songwriting
Which States:
If you have explain a line to me You should rewrite it.
Ok I'll break the rule this time.
First I felt I used the word "The" too many times in this song already
Second I feel the song the song is about a child's perception
of the adult world.
I think too many of us (me included) underestimate what a
child sees and hears. Thus the child perceives (hears) the adults
self doubts.
If this doesn't work a will consider changing it
Lotto King,
Welcome Back
Glad to see you are feeling better.
Me and my family have been in Crisis mode lately
( My grandson was injured crossing the street)
He is on the mend now but it will be a long recovery.
For more details see :
http://forums.guitarnoise.com/viewtopic.php?t=18581
Anyways I recorded a version of this and posted it on my SoundClick
page (link below).
Due to the dark nature of the song and my limited vocal skills
it has a Tom Waits feel to it.
Hope it works
John
John,
I really liked this. I could hear myself singing this one for sure! I couldn't do it the way you did, but that's what makes it so good and original. Great read and listen, thanks, Gwynne.
John
I am truely sorry to read about the little fellow , it must have been hell for his parents and both sets of grand parents .
I truely feel for him and hope he makes a full recovery ... best wishes and prayers from my clan to yours John .
I bet it felt terrible for you and your family , but kids have this uncanny way of getting back up and enjoying life
All the best friend just wish I had known earlier about your granson
cheers
L.k
ps
thanks
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
LK,
No Problem you had issues of your own to deal with.
John
Hey John, That's another great song you have, I love how you did it. I was thinking Tom Waits when I Listened to it, You have a real talent for using your voice effectively, much in the same way as Tom waits, Bob Dylan, or Johny Cash. That's something I wish I could do :D --the dog
BTW if I was to start crying at work It wouldn't be that big of a deal since I work with mostly women (nurses) :lol: :lol:
Thanks
I'm not all that pleased with the final results but I can
live with it for now.
Pbee, Geoo & Rocketgirl,
You all mentioned playing this song in your critiques.
If any or all of you would like to take a try at recording
a version I would love to hear it.
Hey Dog,
I like your voice it works very well with your blues.
John
Hi John,
If any or all of you would like to take a try at recording
a version I would love to hear it.
I thought it would be nice to try someone elses song, so Ive taken you up on your offer.
You can find the mp3 here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=328886
My version is more folky than yours, so its really interesting how the same song can be interpreted in different ways. I hope you like it.
cheers
Paul
Great song John, very powerful & moving. I really like your musical arrangement too.
Paul, your version is very good too. Interesting to see the different styles/interpretations like you said.
"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge
Paul, your version is very good too. Interesting to see the different styles/interpretations like you said.
That was very cool I've never been covered before.
I like your version very much. I may have to post
chords with my songs more often.
Thanks
John
As I said earlier I wasn't too pleased with my original of this song.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=379460&songID=3033153
Then Pbee recorded a beautiful cover of it.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=328886&songID=3055387
So I thought I would revisit it and came up with a new arrangement
inspired by Pbee's and yet retaining some of the original.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=379460&songID=3138090
See what happens when they give me a week off of work
for Thanksgiving.
John
