Must be a good couple of years since the last time I posted a song in this forum. Well, it's been a sloooow couple of years. But I finally cranked one out! My songwriting is a little rusty... I hope you like it and can get what it alludes to. Ideas and criticisms welcome. Help me prune those cheesy bits!
Martin
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Words
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[v1]
Words, I've known a few
Long ago, I believed they all were true
From the youngest age
Took in thousands by the page
Was I laying down the road from me to you?
[v2]
Words, I'd never heard
Tore me in all corners of the world
Writing for the Times
Foreign tongues and battle lines
Sentences that sounded so absurd
[pre]
And when I'm daydreaming your touch
Is a little bit too much
For me to handle...
[ch]
You always found it easy to say how you feel
You always had that instinct to know when love's real
All the words I ever wrote, I ever sent, I ever knew
The only words that mattered were the ones I never used
[v3]
Words - so few remain
Leaking out the back at a pace I can't contain
I string them into songs
Because one day they'll be gone
With the wind which brings another cloud of rain
[v4]
Words, were my whole life
Like Webster's definition of a wife
I've written more than spoken
Used some till they were broken
But none of them could win the final fight
[pre]
And the memory of your smile
Takes me over for a while
When I'm left stranded...
[ch]
You always found it easy to say how you feel
You always had that instinct to know when love's real
All the words I ever wrote, ever sent, or ever knew
I never found those special ones I was saving up for you
Hi Martin,
It's a pretty cleverly crafted song. As I read it I think it's a bit long, but I can't hear what you have in mind for it.
I'll be nit-picky. The verses have a consistency of form to them, but not a consistency of style. For instance, some lines end with a metaphor and some don't. I think that's an either or situation here. Also some of the metaphors aren't lead into by prior words or phrases in the verse. As I read it that made it seem the line was not associated with the rest of the verse. Let me give you an example rather than keep rambling.
I string them into songs
Because one day they'll be gone
With the wind which brings another cloud of rain
okay, so if I was thinking words, rain, and the words being gone I'd connect them together with having written them in chalk on the sidewalk, or something like that.
I string them into songs
Because one day they'll be gone
Chalk letters on the sidewalk just before the rain
ehhh, you get my drift....I think you should connect the metaphor to the theme.
Very nice work though.
Thanks for your comment Nick. You have a point about the verse endings, I think I rushed this one a bit but I'll keep the idea in mind if I ever find the time to do a rewrite. It won't be anytime soon because there's a holiday ticket around the corner with my name on it...
I'm pretty much in agreement with Nick here - well what else can you do but agree with him, he's the head honcho! - that you've got a pretty good song here in the making, but just a little inconsistent. The two parts that don't work for me are the two pre-choruses....they just seem too remote, too detached from the rest of the song. I don't mean they don't make sense - they do in the overall context of the song....I just think they should be more sharply focussed, especially the first one.....
"And when I'm daydreaming your touch
Is a little bit too much
For me to handle..."
This seems to suggest the relationship's still on-going - the rest of the song seems to be a paean to unrequited love. Contradiction in terms, yes? no? maybe?
maybe something like, "And when I dream of your touch, it's a little too much, for me to handle...."- that'd suggest that they're not together, where the original suggests that they are....
But that's just nitpicking, as Nick says, all the song needs are those little inconsistencies taking out....then It'll be a pretty good song, IMO.
Definitely worth pursuing.....
:D :D :D
Vic
I also agree that for the most part, it's pretty cleverly written - gets the point across (apart form the first pre-chorus bit!) and seems to fall into a nice rhythm all the way through.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
