Skip to content
Year 9 Week 21 The ...
 
Notifications
Clear all

Year 9 Week 21 The All Night Diner

7 Posts
5 Users
0 Likes
1,354 Views
Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

One would think after a life time in Food Service this would be an
easy assignment for me.

Yeah one would :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh Well I managed to put together a 12 Bar.
It feels a little unfinished to me.

The All Night Diner

Goin' down to The All Night Diner
Where they know just how to treat you right
Goin' down to The All Night Diner
Where they know just how to treat you right
It's 3 o'clock in the morning
And Man it's been one Hell of a night

They got a gal there named Sally
Been waitin' table nearly thirty years
They got a gal there named Sally
Been waitin' table nearly thirty years
She says she seen all kinds of people
From dignataries to racketeers

(Solo)

Make mine an order of scrambled
Bacon and homefries on the side
No make that two over easy
Sausage and rye toast skip the fries
A short stack and fresh cofee
That's what keeps this old man satisfied

(Bridge)

Well my Baby she up and left me
I got no one to cook for me no more
I'm so glad The All Night Diner is only
Two blocks from my front door.

Goin' down to the All Night Diner
Where they know just how to treat you right
Goin' down to the All Night Diner
Where they know just how to treat you right
It's 3 o'clock in the morning
And Man it's been one Hell of a night

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
Quote
Chris C
(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi John,

Good to see your songs again. :D

Of course, it would be even better to hear you play and sing it too.... But having enjoyed many of your songs before I guess I can imagine it this time. I thought it was fine as it is. The way I read it, the loneliness of the break-up came across well, and I thought that the time setting did a really neat job of emphasising that. I was also left wondering what Sally might think about it all. Maybe she could be a sympathetic ear, perhaps they could get a little thing going, maybe she'd understand just to leave him alone to his thoughts, or.... well, anything really. I liked that he had at least one comfortable place to escape to, and it left us with some options to think about.

Cheers,

Chris

PS I wrote a song for this week too, but just couldn't get the music right. :cry: It was all about a guy who had two women chasing after him. His main attraction was that he was a great cook. (I don't think it was deliberately about you, but who knows.... :o :) ) The twist was that one was a vegetarian and the other a full on meat lover so he was switching styles to suit. Got the lyrics more or else nailed but after hours wrestling with the music and numerous failed recordings I left him to stew...


   
ReplyQuote
Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks Chris,
I was also left wondering what Sally might think about it all. Maybe she could be a sympathetic ear, perhaps they could get a little thing going, maybe she'd understand just to leave him alone to his thoughts, or.... well, anything really.

I think you stuck on why it has an unfinished feel to me.

I like your song idea. There is so much potential :D

On Monday it's steak and potatoes
On Tuesday sprouts and beans.....

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
ReplyQuote
wilhelmina
(@wilhelmina)
Estimable Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 56
 

You sure can get a lot of story packed into a few words! I loved it. Wilhelina


   
ReplyQuote
jamestoffee
(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi John,

As I was reading, I had similar thoughts to Chris about Sally.....seems that she should fit into the wrap up of the song. Then I wondered why you feel it unfinished and Chris and I think that about Sally. I think because she's the most developed character or idea in the song. We have more details about her or about her character than about the singer himself.

I find that interesting, because that might be a way to "set up" anticipation for the ending or the pay-off....simply by adding character details.....I tend to go for a twist at the end, but this could be another way to explore build-ups and pay-offs with the lyrics.......Actually, when I read the lyrics again, I see how Sally was built up even more in the song than verse 2 by verse 1's lines "Where they know just how to treat you right"...........this feeling has to come because of the people at the diner....and then it leads into who that person or one of the people is that knows how to "treat you right".....Sally :idea:

This could spill over into this week's assignment of occupations as well :idea: Sally's Song, but not the same as this "Sally's Song"

:P

Thanks for sharing....I think I might have just learned something new.....or at least worth exploring. :wink:

James


   
ReplyQuote
Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks James,

In April I'm taking part in a Songwriter's Seminar where we will work on
one song and the following week perform. I'm thinking of holding on to
this as my back-up in case The Muse fails me.

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
ReplyQuote
martin-6
(@martin-6)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 418
 

I liked the idea but like others I was left wanting a little more detail about the events and characters in the song.

In particular I thought the lines...
"She says she seen all kinds of people
From dignataries to racketeers
"
...seemed like a missed opportunity to give further insight about Sally, the singer, or how the diner makes him feel better.

Also the "one hell of a night" feels like a bit of an afterthought in verse 1 and 4. I would need to know that the singer is troubled earlier in the song.

You mention a lot of positive words like right, glad, satisfied... I'd say the happy/sad balance in the lyrics feels about 90/10. It might be worth upping the pain quotient so we can really get behind this singer and feel some sympathy.

Aside from that I liked the setting and I think it has good potential to develop into a more rounded lyric.

Martin


   
ReplyQuote