Hi boys and girls,
Just trying to participate. I hope some one likes it. Let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Malcolm
I noticed you
Chorus
I ________ I ________ I noticed you
I ________ I ________ I noticed you
Verse
I noticed you as soon as you arrived
Now your all I can see
I just want to be by your side
I need you to want me
Chorus
I _______ I _________ I noticed you
I _______ I _________ I noticed you
I noticed you amongst the passersby
I noticed the color of your hair
Now when I see you I get so high
I need to make you care
Chorus
I ______ I ________ I noticed you
I ______ I ________ I noticed you
I noticed the way you laugh and smile
I notice the clothes that you wear
You'll notice me too, though it might take a while
Cause I'll always be there
I've been watching you every day
Hanging around, but not in plain sight
I make sure I stay out of the way
But I'm there, all day and night
Chorus
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
Bridge ( slower tempo blues feel )
I notice you, when you walk down the street
I notice you, when you go out to eat
I notice you, when you go to a show
I notice you, wherever you go
(back to regular tempo)
Chorus
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I noticed you right from the start
Your so courteous and kind
I hope some day I can win your heart
Someday your heart can be mine
I need some courage to speak to you
But I've always been shy
What to say, I haven't a clue
And I can't understand why
I hope you don't go home today
I hope you never leave
If you stay, I'll figure out what to say
At least this, I have to believe
chorus
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I ______ I ______ I noticed you
I hope you notice me too
I hope you notice me too
I hope you notice me too!!!!
Hi Malcolm
And a belated welcome to the SSG! Nice to have you aboard!
I especially like how the chorus of this works. At least in my head as I'm reading it, I'm hearing long, drawn out syllables (the "I"s) that could really make for a melodic hook.
The verses, though, leave me wanting something a little more specific and less generic. There's all sorts of ways you can go with this song, from pure attraction to puppy love to somewhat psycho stalker, but it's hard to get a handle on it. Something like this stanza:
I noticed you amongst the passersby
I noticed the color of your hair
Now when I see you I get so high
I need to make you care
starts out well. In many places in the world, hair color can be a dead givaway to someone being a stranger or to being attractive simply because he or she is not like anyone else living there. But the good set up of the first two lines kind of gives way to a general sense of "I want you" that you've already solidly established long before now (the "I need you to want me" at the end of the first verse). Is he or she blonde? You could go with
I noticed you amongst the passersby
I noticed the color of your hair
Bright as the sunflowers that grow so high
So bright that everybody stares
Apologies, because that's not the greatest suggestion, but the idea is to give more life to either your narrator or the object of his/her attention. Otherwise there's not a lot of reason to care about either of them.
Anyway, I'm sure others will have better suggestions. This is a great start and I hope you keep working at it. Any music in mind yet?
Looking forward to reading more from you.
Peace
