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and so it goes

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(@anonymous)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 8184
Topic starter  

comments are, of course, welcome.

thinkin about getting old, being a person hasn't changed much since ever
waiting around for a rhyme seems as futile as not mailing a letter
so maybe it just becomes a mess of self-consiousness
but then that's what it'll be, i guess
and still it's not hopeless

five layers of rhythm in the pocket
blowin out my ear sockets
melody, rhyme, harmony, time
step up to the mic and drop it
or pick up your guitar and hock it

thinkin about makin it new, i just keep going till i come through
a million traditions all started out of the blue
so here's another wasted attempt at originality
that i'll forget like all my futilities
my own attempt to please me

five layers of rhythm in the pocket
blowin out my ear sockets
melody, rhyme, harmony, time
step up to the mic and drop it
or pick up your guitar and hock it

there's a contradiction here that's been playing in my mind
the whole thing's a coin toss, it seems i find
another rock to stand on and let it roll
where it lands, noone knows
and so it goes

five layers of rhythm in the pocket
blowin out my ear sockets
melody, rhyme, harmony, time
step up to the mic and drop it
or pick up your guitar and hock it


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
 

You should put in some punctuation of some sort because it was hard to tell where the sentences ended and when some began. Some people have sentences run on the the next line, so I had to take this in consideration. I liked the song, though. I couldn't really follow its structure, although there were a lot of great lines in there.another rock to stand on and let it roll

a million traditions all started out of the blue
so here's another wasted attempt at originality
that i'll forget like all my futilitiesLoved those lines. Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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